Page 52 - C:\Users\STEVEB~1\AppData\Local\Temp\msoD93E.tmp

ϱϮ

Where does self-esteem come from ?

As newborn babies, we did not enter this world equipped with a self-concept. Everything you are
today, you have learned or experienced since birth. Every attitude, belief, value behaviour and
fear you may have right now has been learned. It therefore follows that if there are elements that
no longer serve your best purposes, you can ‘unlearn’ them, let them go and replace them with
more positive elements that will serve you better.

As we have seen from the Erikson stages of development, from birth throughout the stages of our
lives, we grow emotionally as human beings by successfully passing through the various
development phases of life from infancy, through childhood and teenage years, to adulthood
and then old age.
Children are born unafraid and without the inhibitions of adults.

They are born with only two fears, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Ask anyone who
has raised children about their experiences and they will tell you of the apparently fearless
behaviour of children. They will climb high trees, run out in front of cars, put their fingers in flames
and frighten the living daylights out of their elders with their suicidal tendencies. For their own
protection, they are gradually taught what to fear by adults. Other than falling and of loud
noises, all fears children learn are taught to them by adults or by painful experience.

Young children are wonderfully uninhibited. They will laugh, cry and wet themselves without any
concern of what others might think. They are spontaneous and naturally expressive, without
inhibition. Ever seen a self-conscious baby?

This is our natural state, the way we entered the world, unafraid and uninhibited. Any fears and
inhibitions have been learned along the way. The times when you are your happiest are those
when you have felt so comfortable in the company of people you trust, that you can revert back
to your inner child, fearless and spontaneous, relaxed and at ease.

How we learn and develop is critical to our self-esteem and happiness in life. Much of our
learning is from our parents and siblings, often influenced by one or both of them in our
development. Another way we learn is by the natural response of moving away from discomfort
and pain toward comfort and pleasure.