Page 6 - 2019 EMERGING WRITERS FELLOWSHIP ANTHOLOGY1

M O U S E

detail oriented - small minded - nitpicky - nervous

The mouse has an innate desire to tend to the details. It often spends its days fixing,
preparing, organizing, and scrutinizing. Unfortunately, a mouse personality doesn’t

notice when they’ve gone too far. Soon they begin to have a limited and fearful vision
of life, and try to control every detail. This can be quite a painful experience for both

the mouse and those around them. When mouse energy is at play, step back for a
moment. It may be time to find a more purposeful project to delve into, one that’s

worthy of your exacting eye.

When in balance: organized, resourceful, prepared

When out of balance: busy with no purpose
To bring into balance: a meaningful project.

A few weeks before leaving for the Writing by Writers camp at Esalen, I had made a plan

to take my own life. I am not sure how to explain what was happening to me internally.
After all the therapy, medication adjustments, sobriety, and gender exploration that I

have had, I thought my life would be different by now.

I suppose I could characterize my lacklustre and passive attitude towards the rest of this

“transition” ordeal as stagnation. I think in some sense, yes, I have become lost in the
weeds trying to figure out what all this means. I realized in the end, it doesn’t really matter

how I would be if I was born in a different time, or a different place. In this world, in this
life, I have become this person. My insides don’t always match how people see me, and it

is the constant theme of my life that I carry this pain of being unseen.

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