Page 43 - The Freckled Eye - Book

Chapter 7 Grandma Alice

After being home for several days, I’d been sitting on the couch looking out
the window. I’d been processing everything that had happened up until that
point and I remembered a story my mom told me about her mother, Grandma
Alice. I just loved my Grandma Alice and Grandpa Dave. They were the most
loving Grandparents I could have every hoped for. Mom told me that when
Grandma Alice was in her early 60’s, she was diagnosed with some sort of
blood cancer.

Mom had told me she remember the day Grandma Alice was going to the
doctors office and how she’d been totally fine and happy all the way up until
the doctor’s visit. Then, the moment she found out she had cancer,
everything turned upside down. Mom understood Grandma Alice’s initial
reaction, but she did say she remember thinking to herself in the weeks that
followed, “Isn’t that interesting… Grandma went into the office feeling totally
fine, then, once she found out about having cancer, grandma was a wreck for
sometime after.

Mom was a science teacher. She liked to think about things, without emotion,
in order to better understand how something worked. It was the science
teacher in her. I can see she had done that with this experience. It was a
defining moment in my mom’s life she said. It wasn’t to discount my
grandmothers fear. What interested mom is that grandma, for all intensive
purposes, felt fine and was happy. But after the diagnosis, grandma lived in
the fear, her life went dark for a long time.

It’s been a story I reflect on, in the days that followed my diagnosis. Up until
my melanoma diagnosed, I too felt fine, except that I had a little blurred
vision. The news rocked me to my core, as it did my grandmother and the
days that followed, I too was stressed out because of it. But then I’d
remembered the story about Grandma Alice. It helped me get myself back on
track and not to let myself go in the fear. Every day from that day forward, I’d
tell myself I was fine, I felt fine and I was ok. I’d decided to move forward with
the best positive attitude I could each and every day. I couldn’t and wouldn’t
let this take me down. Yes, I was still worried, but I made sure to talk about
how I was feeling with my family and friends and not let things build up as
much as possible. I also continued to tell myself that I was doing everything I
could, up until that point, which made me feel better too. I can only control
certain things, so I’m not going to worry about what I can’t control.