Page 64 - The Freckled Eye - Book

treatment. Right? She again shook her head and said no. I started to freak
out inside. “But why?” I said. She said there was no reason to continue the
treatment because she didn’t think it was going to work. She continued to say
the tumor was growing towards the area in my eye where there’s more blood
supply. Again, my heart sank. I remember Dr. Phan telling me that we
needed to be careful about the tumor not getting too close to the major blood
supply stream in my eye, potential giving it an opportunity to spread.

At that moment, everything was going in slow motion. I began breathing very
slowly and deep. I knew I had to stay calm so that I could hear what they
were going to tell me. My next thought was, is this doctor in here because
they’re going to tell me they have to take my eyeball out? Holy crap! I was
freaking out inside. I could feel all the things holding me together were
beginning to crumble. I took a couple more deep breaths and then asked, "So
what’s next?". Dr. Phan said, “Radiation.”

Dr. Phan began to tell me about radiation and how it worked. My mind
started to wander, trying to take this all in... again. She explained that the
radiation would be concentrated to the area of the tumor. She said that I’d
come back in a month, where they’d sew a plaque on the back of my
eye. She could tell I was confused.

I was still stuck on the thought of, "another month?”. Dr. Phan then held her
right hand up creating a cup and then made a fist with her left hand and put it
inside the right. I saw that she was trying to explain the radiation plaque that
would be sewn to the back side of my eyeball. The physical demonstration
she did focused me back to what she was saying.

She explained in more detail that the plaque would be sewn on the backside

of my eyeball. On the inside part of the plaque, the part that would touch the
backside of my eye, there’d be radioactive seeds. Those seeds would be directed
towards the tumor inside my eye and that’s what would send the radioactive material
out to kill the tumor.

Her explanation was great. I totally understood how it would work. This would get the
tumor on the side we couldn't get with the Heat Laser. I thought, ok, this sounded
good. Right when I'm feeling a little better, the other male doctor chimed in. He said, in
an insensitive way, or at least that’s how it felt, that up until 10 years ago, they would
have just taken your eye out.” I was like… what? He totally made me freak out. I was
petrified, but still trying to hold it together.