Page 28 - eBook Living Water 2

familiar sad, lonely look in his eyes. I would come to call it the
“puppy dog” look.

When we returned back to New Jersey, I told him that the only
way I would stay with him was if we went to counseling. We made
arrangements immediately, meeting with my former Jewish
psychologist. In the meantime, I found out that I had actually gotten
pregnant on our honeymoon. This was something I had wanted but
my joy was complicated, to say the least. Fred was okay with it, as
long as I was happy.

When I was about three months pregnant, Fred and I were on
our way to go somewhere in the van. As he pulled away from the
house, he began one of his tirades. At a stop sign a block from our
house, I told him that I had heard enough and that I was going to walk
back home. I opened the door to get out, and as I put one foot on the
pavement, he put his foot on the car accelerator. I ended up in a stony
gutter on bloodied knees. I hobbled back home, while he followed
me in the van. His well-honed repentance scenario played out again.
He denied intentionally trying to hurt me, saying it was an accident
but I knew differently.

I immediately made a private appointment to see our
psychologist about the incident. He told me that he believed that Fred
had a personality disorder and that no amount of therapy could change
that. Therapy might help by putting “Band-Aids” on the situation.
He recommended group therapy for Fred. Fred was willing to do
anything to keep us together. Extroverted Fred ended up loving his
group, making friends with them and continued going for at least five
years. But nothing ever changed with him or with our relationship.

One week after the car incident, I had a miscarriage. I found it
hard to believe that it was due to the fall. It wasn’t such a terrible fall.
My doctor told me that the first trimester is when most miscarriages
occur. I was disappointed, but the doctor encouraged us to try again.
A year later, I became pregnant for the second time and at three