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GENERAL INTEREST PARENTING & RELATIONSHIPS

Dr. David S Ribner

Preparing

our Children

for Marriage

ur tradition has long directed large part dependent on feeling making assumptions) helps to
us to the realization that rais- accepted by others just as you avoid and resolve conflicts.
Oing children involves much are, without expectation of fun-
more than providing for their physical damental change. This in turn • Expressing acknowledgment and
needs. enhances a sense of trust that gratitude – For both the expected
openness and honesty, sharing and unexpected, expressions of
Preparing our children for their vari- appreciation and thankfulness
ous roles as adults begins the moment uncertainties and vulnerabilities, can minimize feelings of being
will be treated with respect.
we bring them into this world. Every taken for granted. Creating such
human interaction affords these • Caring and affection – These are a positive atmosphere contributes
newborns the opportunity to learn emotions which express connect- to the security of being seen and
numerous cues, responses and behav- edness and should be pervasive valued.
iors. As children move along develop- aspects of family relationships.
mentally, an initial and later ongoing People may communicate these • Acts of kindness – Each family
source of these lessons focuses on the feelings differently, some more member should consider doing
dynamic they perceive between their verbally, some more action-ori- more than just fulfilling minimal
parents. As mothers and fathers, we ented. No matter how you do it, expectations and to do so as a
are not always tuned in to the extent the result is strengthened rela- gesture of good will. The goal is
our marital interactions form a tem- tional bonds. to make the lives of others that
plate for the expectations our children much happier and each of these
will have of themselves as future mar- • Open communication – Verbal acts conveys a message of invest-
ital partners. communication should be clear ing in emotional intimacy.
Since we doubtless would like to see and unambiguous, intended to • Mechanisms for healing and
them married, and happily so, which convey messages that are as pos- repair – All families confront
relational elements would we ideally itive as possible. Assumptions difficult moments, when expec-
prefer them to glean from growing about another’s thought or feeling tations are not met or when
up in our homes? While there is no must be confirmed verbally – no communication fails. Developing
one formula for a successful marital one reads minds. When disagree- mechanisms to positively cope
relationship, our focus here will be on ments arise, neither side should with these situations avoids accu-
modeling the skills of intimacy. We imply rejection or devaluing. mulating emotional scar tissue
suggest that the following list provides • Curiosity – Truly being interested and allows for strengthening
a framework that may enhance our family ties.
awareness of a crucial aspect of hus- in the lives of those around you,
band/wife modeling and parent/child in their experiences, thoughts • Independent growth and devel-
interactions: and feelings allows you to stay opment – Each family member
attuned to each other. Curiosity should be encouraged and sup-
• Trust and acceptance – Comfort about your family members’ reac- ported to pursue personally
in familial relationships is to a tions and behaviors (rather than important interests, career paths

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