Page 58 - HaMizrachi #29 Yom HaAtzmaut 2021 USA

GENERAL INTEREST PARENTING

Dr. Yocheved Debow

How to Talk to Your Children

about Intimacy and Sexuality

e recognize that imparting 2. Don’t make speeches – listen! We move to greater commitment in
our values to our children learn a lot from asking our children tzniut as well.
Wrequires time and thought- questions and understanding what 8. Strive to help your children be aware
ful education. However, in the area of they think and know about intimacy that Judaism’s approach to relation-
sexuality and relationships, we are often and sexuality. ships between men and women is
silent. 3. Always tell the truth. You do not not because Judaism views sexual-
This communicates an important mes- need to tell the whole truth, but ity as bad; quite the opposite. It is
sage. Not talking about sexuality, espe- whatever you tell must be the truth, because it sees sexuality as some-
cially when it is so prevalent in movies otherwise you lose your status as thing so wonderful, powerful and
and the media, gives an implicit message “askable” parents. good that it needs to be limited so as
that parents, or perhaps Judaism, is at the 4. Help your children differentiate to maintain its intensity and passion.
very least uncomfortable or, worse, has between private and secret. Keeping 9. Modern society is grappling with
nothing positive to say about sexuality. something private is usually about many questions about gender and
If our children are to view a Torah life- choosing boundaries and staying sexual identity. These questions
style as relevant, they must experience comfortably within them, so that we impact on and can be confusing to
Torah as addressing issues that concern share certain things only with cer- our children. Help your children
them. Talking about sexuality and rela- tain people on certain occasions. By understand by discussing these
tionships from a Jewish perspective helps contrast, keeping something secret topics with them and sharing your
our children appreciate the wisdom and is usually about actively hiding thoughts, ideas and understandings
relevance of Judaism to their lives. something, often for fear of the in these areas.
Children need to learn developmentally consequences of it being known. In 10. Remember to share with your chil-
appropriate, traditional Jewish concepts general, privacy is good and secrets dren how much the lifestyle we live
of social, personal, and sexual develop- are not. is one we have come to by choice,
ment, beginning from an early stage in 5. Children should learn about where because we believe it to be good
their own development and continuing babies come from in different ways for our bodies and our souls and
through childhood and adolescence. at different stages of their develop- because it honors the fact that each
They require a safe environment with ment from their parents and not of us is created in the image of G-d
opportunity for discussions and ques- from anyone else. – with spirituality and physicality
tions, so they can acquire Torah-based 6. Since children tend to develop phys- intertwined.
values these areas. They can then pro- ically earlier than they used to, they Ultimately, we parents need to keep lines
cess the endless cultural messages they should be learning about puberty of communication open with our chil-
receive, choosing which to accept and and bodily changes before they dren. We can help them feel respected
which to reject through this prism of happen. by confirming the very real challenges
Torah-based values. 7. Tzniut is often the mitzvah that pro- and concerns sexuality can present while
Here are 10 tips for talking with our chil- vides the greatest challenge to many believing in their ability to navigate these
dren about sexuality. of our daughters. It is unfair to mea- challenges with dignity and commitment.
1. Language is important. Not just what sure their religiosity on the basis of Dr. Yocheved Debow is the author of
we say but how we say it makes a big the very mitzvah that provides the Talking about Intimacy: A Guide for
difference. Give your children words greatest challenge. If we can encour- Orthodox Jewish Parents. She is the
Academic Principal at Midreshet Emunah
that show respect for our bodies and age their religious growth and com- v’Omanut.
our sexuality and that models a sense mitment in all areas and continue
of dignity and beauty with regards to to educate toward commitment to A member of the Mizrachi Speakers Bureau
sexuality and intimacy. halacha, they will likely gradually mizrachi.org/speakers

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