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you feel loved by her. Give her space to show up for you. She is open to giving you reassurance but don’t make it a regular habit because she will begin to feel the weight of your wounds. This doesn’t make for a healthy relationship and no, she is not responsible for how others have harmed you in the past. Jenni needs to feel your trust in her. I believe this will give her a sense of freedom. Jenni has her own wounds around unworthiness and un-lovability. WALK GENTLY AROUND THIS WOUND. Jenni struggles to want to be everything that everyone wants her to be. She wants you to feel good, to feel better and she doesn’t want to hurt you. If she senses that you don’t trust her, which can translate into never being enough or never being good enough, she will begin to feel smothered and exhausted. Her nervous system will not remain calm. This is the opposite of freedom. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to approach her by assuming positive intent. If you believe that Jenni is always coming from a place of trust and positive intent, I guarantee you that you will find evidence to back it up. If you do this, you will be able to help her heal and really know that she is more than enough and is very deserving of love.
Her belief: She isn’t enough
Prior to dating me, she dated another person who told Jenni that how she was loving them, wasn’t good enough. It came out in a million different complaints such as wanting more time, better attention, and complaining about not getting enough from Jenni. Unfortunately, Jenni had some fresh wounds around this when we began dating, which meant when I started entering some of these same territories, I started contributing to more hurt on top of open-wound hurt. I learned too late just how much she fears that she isn’t enough and will never be enough for a relationship. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment – pretty fucking painful, right?
So my advice: Remind her regularly that she is enough, she isn’t too hard, and tell her all the ways that you see her showing up for you. And when you approach her for a request around time or wanting a particular expression of love, do so when she isn’t stressed or tired and make sure that when you make the request that you really really emphasize all the ways she is showing up and that you are open to seeing how