Page 254 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

Tuesday 24 October

9st 3 (bloody Smoothies), alcohol Units 0, cigarettes 0, Smoothies 32.

On marvelous roll with work. Ever since Elena whatserface interview, seems can
do no wrong.

'Come on! Come on! Rosemary West!' Richard Finch was saying, when I got
into the office (bit late, actually, sort of thing that could happen to anyone),

holding up his fists like a boxer. 'I'm thinking lesbian rape victims, I'm thinking
Jeanette Winterson, I'm thinking Good Afternoon! doctor, I'm thinking what
lesbians actually do. That's it! What do lesbians actually do in bed?' Suddenly,
he was looking straight at me.

'Do you know?' Everyone stared at me. 'Come on, Bridget-fucking- late-
again,' he shouted impatiently. 'What do lesbians actually do in bed?'

I took a deep breath. 'Actually, I think we should be doing the off-screen
romance between Darcy and Elizabeth.'

He looked me up and down slowly. 'Brilliant,' he said reverently. 'Absolutely
fucking brilliant. OK. The actors who play Darcy and Elizabeth? Come on, come
on,' he said, boxing at the meeting.

'Cohn Firth and Jennifer Ehle,' I said.

'You, my darling,' he said to one of my breasts, 'are an absolute fucking

genius.' I always hoped I would turn out to be a genius, but I never believed it
would actually happen to me - or my left breast.