Page 474 - Under the Cover of Darkness

20 October 2016 —
Some people say swearing shows a poor vocabulary and a
low level of intelligence but I say that’s bollocks! Sorry to
offend but I use the F*** word, WTF and other
expletives all the time. You may have noticed. So WTF’s
wrong with that?

22 October 2016 —
Well it’s always nice to know you've helped people.
Tonight, for the 5th night in a row, I left a huge, wire
basket full of apples and a wooden crate of walnuts on
the front lawn with a sign saying "Please Help Yourself".
Well, not only have ALL the apples and ALL the Walnuts
gone, but the wire basket and the wooden crate they were
in as well! Nothing but an empty lawn and a discarded
"help yourself" sign left tonight!! If you're that desperate
for a basket or a crate, I'm delighted to have been of
help! Haaaarrrgh ha ha ha! That gave me a good laugh
when I got back from the pub!

23 October 2016 —
Why don't I ever fall over whilst NOT holding a scalding
drink or a sharp object? That would be a real treat! This
morning's accident involved me launching myself at
break neck speed, face first through the air while carrying
a joke / oversized mug of hot coffee.

God damn vacuum hoses! That’s the last time I do any
house work, and how much liquid can 1 mug hold that
the entire hallway now looks like The Poseidon
Adventure with liquid streaming down every wall and
even dripping from the ceiling! FFS!