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RELATIONSHIPS




            When we talk about affairs, we often categorize them as                                                                                                                                             Unfortunately, there is no                                 communications strictly work-                               that they have formed a deep


            emotional, physical, or both. That’s helpful to some extent. Yet                                                                                                                                    formula to determine when                                  related, being transparent                                  bond. Too often what begins


            nowadays, there’s another category that we can loosely call the                                                                                                                                     texting crosses the line into                              in terms of cell phones and                                 as a cautious “hi...was thinking

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       of u” turns into “i miss u”
                                                                                                                                                                                                                betrayal. In fact, those who are
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           computers (those who have
            TEXTING AFFAIR.                                                                                                                                                                                     behaving in inappropriate ways  nothing to hide, hide nothing),  and then “can you meet again


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       tomorrow?” And when it gets to
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           and working together to
                                                                                                                                                                                                                quickly learn how to blur this
                                                                                                                                                                                                                line so that they can deflect and  improve your own marriage are  that point, well, the whole thing

                                                                                                                                                                                                                continue to do what they’re                                all reasonable requests.                                    becomes a lot harder to “delete.”


                                                                                                                                                                                                                doing.In the end, you must                                                                                             Visit Debra Macleod’s private

                                                                                                                                                                                                                learn to trust your gut.                                   To prevent and overcome                                     practice at MarriageSOS.com

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           infidelity, couples must learn to


                                                                                                                                                                                                                After all, no one knows your                               build a loving, respectful and                              there is a reasonable expectation

                                                                                                                                                                                                                marriage or your spouse better  protective “fortress” around                                                           of privacy in marriage. Of






















                                     oversimplified                    husband.” You look the other                               •      10 Proactive Ways To Fix

                                     scenario goes                     way and pretend not to notice                              The Cracks Forming In Your


           An e this: Your                                             or be bothered. You force                                  Marriage
                                     lik
            spouse strikes up an opposite-                             yourself to not ask who your                               •      Your Marriage Will Fail For

            sex friendship with a person                               spouse is texting and not show                             The Same Reasons Celebrity


            at work, spin or yoga class, the                           how worried or hurt you are.                               Couples Split Up

            gym, or through your child’s                               You lay awake and stare at your  Here’s where anything can

            school or extra-curricular                                 partner’s phone, wishing you                               happen. Your spouse may


            activities. For some reason,                               could look through it but not                              downplay the relationship and

            they feel compelled to exchange  wanting to cross that line.                                                          shrug off your concerns, saying

            phone numbers. There’s no real  Finally, you crack.                                                                   “We’re just friends. You have to


            need for this, although your                                                                                          trust me.” Or your spouse may

            spouse tells you that they need                                         hoosing your words                            react with an angry, inflated

            to stay in touch because of work                                        carefully, you ask your                       display of wounded indignation                                                than you do. Texting affairs are  their marriage, which includes                                                       course some co-workers and

            or to coordinate fitness class,                           Cpartner who he or she                                      by saying, “Oh, so I’m not                                                    the gateway to emotional and                               insulating it from the invasive                             friends need to communicate


            the kid’s activities, etc.                                 is texting. If you already know                            allowed to have ANY friends?”                                                 physical affairs. Of the infidelity  effects of technology. That’s                                                     after-hours. Of course there
                                                                       who it is, you might tell your                             He or she may turn the situation                                              cases I’ve dealt with in the past                          something I talk a lot about in                             are unhappy marriages that


            Soon, their innocent texting                               partner that you are concerned                             around so that it’s you who                                                   several years, the vast majority                           my Couples in Crisis book.                                  have deep problems. But that’s


            about work or scheduling                                   or feeling second-place. Or                                finds yourself explaining your                                                started out as “innocent” texting                                                                                      not always the case. Suspicions

            begins to escalate into personal,                          perhaps you wait until your                                behavior. He or she may make                                                  between opposite-sex friends                               Continued inaction or letting                               are often warranted. Anger,

            ever more intimate texting.                                partner is in the shower and                               you feel paranoid, jealous,                                                   or acquaintances. You are                                  the texting continue -- perhaps  defensiveness and indignation

            Your spouse starts guarding                                give in to the urge to scroll                              controlling, or pathetic. “You                                                not over-reacting by insisting                             out of fear of your partner’s                               may be covers for betrayal.


            their cellphone and going into                             through his or her phone. Either                           went through my phone! You’re                                                 that a spouse end a texting                                reaction -- only increases the                              Explanations may be just

            the next room to text. They                                way, you hear or see something                             crazy. That’s private!”                                                       relationship that you feel in                              chances that your partner will                              excuses. And all too often, a

            lock their phone, change their                             that makes your stomach sink.                              Of course there are spouses who                                               your heart is undermining your  begin to see you as a nagging                                                          texting affair steals so much


            password and delete their text                             More from Debra Macleod:                                   are unreasonably jealous and                                                  marriage, and you are not over- barrier to the exciting and                                                            time, energy and emotion from

            history.                                                                                                              suspicious, and who behave in                                                 reacting by treating it as a form  fresh-faced relationship that he  a marriage that a rift forms -- or

                                                                                                                                  controlling ways. Of course                                                   of infidelity.                                             or she enjoys via text messages.  widens -- between spouses that


            For a while, you bite your                                 •      Is A ‘Partner Predator’                                                                                                                                                                      Texting creates a false sense                               otherwise would have worked

            tongue. After all, nobody                                  Circling Your Husband Or                                                                                                                 Blocking the other                                         of intimacy between texters.                                through their marriage troubles.

            wants to be “that wife” or “that                           Wife?                                                                                                                                    person’s number, keeping                                   Within weeks, they may feel





            42   ROYAL ROUGE  / OCTOBER 2018 / ISSUU.COM/ROYALROUGEMAGAZINE
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