Page 54 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

“Look, you just told me that he knows that you want the
bedroom painted. You don’t have to tell him anymore. He
already knows. The second suggestion I have is that the
next time your husband does anything good, give him a
verbal compliment. If he takes the garbage out, say, ‘Bob, I
want you to know that I really appreciate your taking the
garbage out.’ Don’t say, ‘About time you took the garbage
out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.’ If you see
him paying the electric bill, put your hand on his shoulder
and say, ‘Bob, I really appreciate your paying the electric
bill. I hear there are husbands who don’t do that, and I want
you to know how much I appreciate it.’ Every time he does
anything good, give him a verbal compliment.”
“I don’t see how that’s going to get the bedroom
painted.”
I said, “You asked for my advice. You have it. It’s free.”
She wasn’t very happy with me when she left. Three
weeks later, however, she came back to my office and
said, “It worked!” She had learned that verbal compliments
are far greater motivators than nagging words.
I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your
spouse to do something you want. The object of love is not
getting something you want but doing something for the
well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that
when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to
be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse
desires.