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432 | A New Light
that our soul was not exchanged during the night for that of a
gentile. This indicates that a person can lose his soul during sleep
and receive the soul of a gentile! What does this depend on? It
depends on the intent that a person goes to sleep with. If he wants
to get up like a Jew, he must go to sleep like a Jew. During his sleep,
he must accept the yoke of the kingdom of heaven, bond with
Hashem, and aspire to experience all good and holy intentions: the
intention to learn Torah in his sleep, to cling to the world-to-come
and to the tzaddikim, and more. Then he will get up like a Jew.
Therefore, we must lie down with a tremendous fear of heaven.
We are all human beings. We are not angels and supernal seraphim
who are on fire for Hashem 24 hours a day. Sadly, the great
majority of people are disconnected from Hashem during a great
part of the day. Therefore, it is quite common for a person to go
to sleep when he is exhausted and weary, at which time the evil
inclination rules over him entirely by filling him with the desire to
sleep, and he lacks the energy to gather enough strength to engage
in the service of Hashem that is associated with sleep. As a result,
he falls asleep while in the middle of reciting the Sh’ma or without
even reciting the Sh’ma at all, nor the verses of protection and
the blessing of hamapil. Worst of all, because the desire for sleep
overwhelms him, he sinks into a swamp of slumber.
A Minute in a Test
If this describes you, what can you say? “I do possess the fear of
heaven, but I’m tired, I exhausted ….” No, that is a lie! It is a fact
that if a person who is very tired suddenly sees an ice cream sundae
and he is overcome by craving, he will forget all of his tiredness and
he will be totally awake. And how much more when sensual craving
overwhelms a person. That is because when a person experiences
craving, he has will. And when he has will, he has strength. A
person who possesses the fear of heaven has holy will. As the verse
states, “[Hashem] does the will of those who fear Him” (Psalms
145:19). If a person had the will to recite the Sh’ma and cling to
Hashem, he would find the energy to gather the strength to do so.
Therefore, know that this is not tiredness. This is a lack of the fear
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wept he began to tell him that he wants to be a decent
person. Rabbeinu, who was already lying in bed, got up
and sat on his bed, and began to talk with him, and
taught him this path, and he also told him what he should
learn. And he also directed him to be among those who
make an accounting—i.e., that every night before he lies
down he should think about what he did that day. If
he learned and prayed properly on that day, he should
thank Hashem, may He be blessed, and tell Him: “Praise
and thanksgiving to Your great and holy name for having
given me the merit to learn and pray a little this past
day, in keeping with Your will. And I plead before You,
Hashem my God, to help me tomorrow to increase
serving You with more Torah and prayer, and with a
more perfect, deep intent.” But if, heaven forbid, he did
not learn and pray properly during the previous day, he
should confess and plead before Him, may He be blessed,
and say: “Master of the world, I know that I sinned this 15
day and I did not serve You properly—neither in Torah
nor in prayer,” and so forth. “Now I beseech and plead
before You”—and so forth—“to forgive and pardon me
for having not served You properly in the past. And help
me serve You through Torah learning and praying, with
proper intent and wholeness, in keeping with Your will.”
The holy books speak a great deal about the value of this practice.
A person who engages in an hour of hitbodedut every day, in which
he judges himself for all of his actions, is certainly considered to
be among those who engage in such a personal accounting. It is
preferable to engage in such a personal accounting with a calm mind
and without hurry, and not before going to sleep, when a person is
tired, and the evil inclination is hounding him. Nevertheless, before
going to bed he should mentally review his actions and engage in
teshuvah for every flaw that he finds in himself.