Page 14 - LDBD Magazine - Issue 22 - Jan Feb Mar 2018

LDBD in every issue ◊ Relationships

Adultery: The Thief, The Killer, The Destroyer!

by Alfred & Carla

The definition of adultery: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.

Adultery and Men
For years, the idea has existed that men are more likely to be in an extra marital affair. Because of their genes and the need to spread their seed
for continued survival, this may have been true in the stone ages; however, in this over populated world, have we not evolved enough for our
minds to control our behavior? Even in this day and time, sex is used as power over women. This may be becoming obsolete, as according to
recent findings with a sample pool of 37,000 persons, 15% of wives have reportedly cheated on their spouse. The statistics appeared in Oprah
Magazine 2004. It is suspected that the percentage for men could be slightly Lower. Men are known not to get emotionally involved with their
extracurricular partners.
With that said, let's look at the roll women play in adultery. We can accuse women for breaking up a happy home all day. Truth be told, if the
home was happy there would be no shattering. So, who is the happy party in the marriage? Apparently, no one or maybe only one party is happy,
and the other missed the memo. There are many reasons people cheat; as women cheat on their husbands also. First let's look at women who have
adulterous affairs while married. What is missing or lacking for this to occur in either party.
There may be health issues. Maybe the spouse is ill or a new baby has come and the husband feels neglected. Maybe there are financial problems
that cause the couple to be at odds. There could be an issue in the bedroom where one partner just does not have the fire anymore. There are many
reasons one may step outside the marriage. No matter what the circumstance it doesn't make it right.
In speaking with men and women, some of or most all of them experienced an affair, things ended with the same or similar results. The end has
always been that someone loses. The price of an adulterous relationship is very high. You lose yourself in it from the lies and the other people get
hurt in the process. I have heard women say they do not care about the wife and if she was doing her job he would not have needed me. And men
say they are just in it for the sex and would never leave their wives. In a man's words what his wife doesn't know will not hurt her. I say yes it does.
Because she is being cheated out of having 100 percent of her husband. She is sharing what belongs to her, with a woman she doesn't know. Same
with a woman who cheats on her husband. No one wins; the enemies’ job is to steal, kill and destroy.
Adultery is not a laughing matter to those who have been devastated or affected by it. Those who are involved lose themselves and become another
person. Adultery will consume you. You become two different people and you become professional at juggling the two. Your life becomes a lie.
Adultery does not only affect the two who are involved in the extra marital affair, but the loved ones—spouse, Children, family members and
friends. The lies and deceit, without question, affects your finances. It takes years to recover from adultery. You must rediscover yourself all over
again, and it's like crawling out of the deepest pit.
There are lasting damages. God will forgive adultery; however, the damage it causes often cannot be reversed. It is extremely hurtful to the spouse.
It often leads to divorce and leaves the marriage partner bitter, disillusioned and financially poorer. Iit robs the children of the love and security of
a healthy family and denies them a good role model for their own future marriage! Children from families where there is conflict and or divorce
are more prone to anxiety, poor school performance, drug abuse and delinquent behavior. these problems can persist into adulthood. Adult children
of divorced parents tend to have lower educational attainment, lower income, more children out of wedlock, higher rates of divorce themselves and
a lower sense of well-being.
This is true, I know people personally who struggle in one or more areas because they
came from a broken home, resulting from a parent who destroyed the marriage with
extramarital affairs. It’s a spirit that steals, kills and destroys generations. You will be
held accountable for the seed of your loins and womb. God frowns upon this behavior.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for
God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
How to come out of it?
First, be honest and admit to yourself that what you are doing is wrong. Say it aloud so
you can hear it. Then ask God to forgive you; then forgive yourself. Then the hard part,
as if that wasn't hard enough: Call it off verbally with whom you are having the affair.
Then apologize for pulling them into your sin. Yes, it's a sin. Release you and the person
with whom you are having the affair. Do the work. It gets harder; you will have to decide
if you will take it to the grave or confess it. That decision is between you and God. Then
get counselling for you and your spouse. There is something that needs to be addressed
so you don't do it again. I have seen people and marriages recover from affairs. But know
that the sneaking, sexing, gifts and money exchange takes away from what God has for
you. You cannot be blessed like this and of you move forward with the person you are in
an affair with, it will never work. It always ends due to lack of trust.

14 | Jan Feb Mar 2018 LIVING Day By Day •Net