Page 108 - EAP Manual

Interpersonal Effectiveness DEARMAN
DEARMAN (DM)—skills to ask for needs/wants, say no, & set boundaries.
What to know about DEARMANs:
 Increase odds of getting needs & wants met
 No guarantee
 Others cannot read my mind
DEAR=the action; what I do
Describe
 Share the FACTS about the CURRENT situation
 Use NJS
Why? To get on the same page
Express
 Share your feelings/opinions about the facts
 Use I Messages
Why? Letting others know where I’m coming from enhances empathy, understanding, connection, & compassion
Assert
 ASK or say NO!!!
 Set a limit
 Be concise
 Be clear
 Don’t beat around the bush—get to the point
Why? Others cannot mind read and will not know what I want unless I speak up
Reward
 Explain the benefits to the other person of their willingness to comply with my
request
 Say Thank you
 Offer to do something in return
Why? Others are more likely to comply with requests if there is something in it for them
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