Page 4 - TT2018 Official Routebook

The Players on the Toad Tour 2018

Rich – A Toadster and our spiritual leader who this year has been seduced away to the dark side….
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the dark and sinister world of the howling V6. A world where 2 gear is always flaccid, fuel tanks are
invariably empty, rear tyres are always worn and decals are always supplied wonky. V6 drivers by
their very nature, are expected to take it from behind willingly and in many cases without even prior
approval. He says if he can’t thread the V6 through the bends with his usual ‘arse-hanging-out flair’
he will escape back to the world of the S Series…… “Sir, you can check in any time you like but you
can never leave”. He also has international acclaim as the back-office man for Toad TV and is often
seen fiddling and tuning his camera equipment. He also has the bad reputation of sharing rooms
with other Toadsters and their beds to the mutual gratification of all.

Alastair – A new Toadster but born and raised on the dark side with a penchant for oversized
supercharges and tall leggy blonds with minimal luggage requirements. After years of exposure to
the dark side it has a peculiar effect on a man. It is rumoured that he requested an ‘automatic’ V6
which sent shivers through the Toadster brotherhood. It has also been said that he has a collapsible
pole in his boot and when exposed to too many Alpine passes, after mid night scantily clad women
can be seen swinging from this pole with a blueish glow emitting from under his car, pulsating to his
cars nightclub-esq music system. He has an offensive number plate and a fixation with the term
Wizards Sleeve.

Henry – A Toaster and our ambassador in China. A man who understands the concept that “Too
much power is always a good thing”, even when his engine is running on three cylinders and
smoking like a diesel. For the few Toadsters who have passengered with him before a maximum
power run, it is said that he has a small spiritual ritual that he performs. A little tug on his gloves, a
glance in his side mirrors, a shoulder shimmy reminiscent of a 70’s disco move and with a deep
intake of breath he engages the warp drive. He has an unhealthy fixation for 98 octane and is also
seen as a very private man, taking long walks during a piss stop to avoid unnecessary exposure. It
has been suggested that he is ideally suited to the dark side’s mandated requirement of taking it
from behind, as on numerous occasions he has been seen lingering at close quarters to the rear of
many Toadster’s cars, ever hopeful to be the train rather than the tunnel.

The Dark Knight – For reasons of National Security the identity of this Toadster, at all times, must
remain concealed even to the inner circle of the Toad Brotherhood and therefore our knowledge of
this individual is shrouded in mystery. It has been said that due to his high level of security clearance
he has the right of refusal for all personal speeding fines within the UK and has invoked his right on
many occasions. It’s is believed that his spiritual home is that of the High Mountain Passes and some
say he does clandestine work at night and therefore must be avoided at all costs in the morning in
fear of spurning his displeasure. A man that claims never to drive fast although most Toadsters
struggle to keep pace with him. He is stickler for touring etiquette and has been heard in public to
admonish even his wife, for the lesser crime, of driving without her lights on. It is assumed that his
work attire is a black suite, white shirt and dark glasses and has little time for civilian clothes as his
usual outfit whilst on tour is a tatty red hoody and jean-jacket, even tattier baseball cap, shorts and