Page 7 - TT2018 Official Routebook

The Players on the Toad Tour 2018

and has the bladder capacity only beholden to the female sex of our species. It is clear that driving at
high speeds, even with a bunch of uncouth Toadsters in a variety of shapes and sizes, is extremely
exciting and pleasurable for her. On numerous occasions she has been heard to say, when exiting
delicately from her chosen instrument of pleasure, an Orange S2 Exige, that she is all ‘damp and
sweaty’. Clearly this outright admission to the average uncouth Toadster can only mean one thing.
On further inspection it has been noted that there are obvious damp patches in places where any
normal male Toadster would view them as an awkward oversight and embarrassment. She has a
very likeable companion called The Fiddler and his non-attendance on the Tours in recent years has
been deeply regretted by the wider Toad Tourist community. It has been mused that with so much
excitement and pleasure during the day, constant fiddling at night would be seen as a step too far.
Going forward therefor the Fiddler will have to remain at home otherwise Lisa will become totally
exhausted by the end of week.

Jez – A much loved Toaster. Jesmondtutu has very iggegular appearances on Tour and we have only
been blessed with

Cris – Pathfinder Toadster or Mr Piss Stop. Clearly one of the elders in the Touring community and
therefore has been given the honour of crafting and manipulating the routes for each year. It is
rumoured that he finds pouring over maps a very sexual and uplifting experience and has been seen
on numerous occasions caressing new maps in petrol stations in a manner unbecoming of a
Toadster. He has always considered himself as the ‘master hitch-hiker picker upper’ but as his looks
are failing him in his later years, his strike rate has fallen to virtually zero on past Tours. It is
rumoured after picking up one such girl who he completely misread (in her sixties with grey hair)
due to his enthusiasm to pick her up her up first, she was accused of stealing his wallet due to her
not reaching his high requirements in beauty. A more worrying development has emerged however
and in very recent years he is now accompanied by very young, good looking men who beckon to his
every call. To reflect this new worrying development and to reflect a recent desire of Pathfinder to
wear over-tight white trousers, he is now being referred to in hushed corridor conversations as the
Godfather.