Page 51 - Creeative Thinking

Once you have made that decision, the next step is to ensure that this is so.
Although you cannot control the actions of another person, you do have a certain
amount of control over the way in which they treat you. Making changes to your life
such as speaking up, rather than keeping quiet if you feel you are being mistreated is a
great way to start taking some of that control. If, at first you have trouble speaking
directly to a person, record it on the worksheet provided and practise it in front of a
mirror at home. We will delve further in to this issue in Chapter Six “Just say ‘No!’”

Once you’ve taken responsibility for the way you have been treated you can take the
next step toward being treated with the respect that you deserve. Now that you are
familiar with the first two steps, recognition and responsibility, it is important not to
get stuck feeling guilty or laying blame.

The key to achieving this is empathy, as well. If you have some trouble empathising
with a person who has hurt you do not be discouraged. Many of us do. With a little
bit of concentration and some coaching you will become familiar with this emotion.

When attempting to empathise with someone who has mistreated you, it may be
helpful to remind yourself that the perpetrator may have been abused him self and
probably did not intend to reciprocate. Many people lack the skills required to stop
the cycle of abuse once they have been mistreated. Do not take it personally. But DO
break the cycle.

Here are some questions you may want to keep in mind if you are having trouble
empathising with the offender in your situation.

 How might he/she have felt at the time of this occurrence?
 How do you suppose he/she feels now with respect to how
you were treated?
 How would you feel about yourself if you had treated another individual the
way that you were treated?
 Can you think of anything in her life that may have contributed to the way she
treated you?

All of these questions allow you to gain some insight in to the situation and enable you
to remove yourself from it for a moment and focus on the other person’s feelings.

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