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16 EASTERN HORIZON | TEACHINGS

How Parents and Children Can

Learn Balance and Equanimity

from the Eight Worldly Winds

By Dr Christopher Willard

Dr. Christopher Willard (PsyD) is a psychologist and consultant
based in Boston. He has has led hundreds of workshops around
the world, with invitations to more than twenty five countries.
He has presented at TEDx conferences and his thoughts
have appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post,
mindful.org, and elsewhere. He is the author of Child’s Mind
(2010) Growing Up Mindful (2016) Alphabreaths (2019) and
sixteen other books for parents, professionals and children more
than a dozen languages. He teaches at Harvard Medical School.

On the personal side, he enjoys traveling, hiking, up in them nor turning our backs and ignoring them—
cooking, reading and writing, and being a father. and help our children learn to do the same?

For more information about booking a workshop, Traditionally, this quality of abiding is called equanimity,
talk, or visit for your organization, email an attitude that is not to be mistaken for passivity or
now: chris@drchristopherwillard.com indifference.

A popular quote from the Tao Te Ching describes life as When it comes to our family, equanimity is inextricably
10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. As parents, each new linked with compassion. We can have equanimity without
day seems to bring at least another 10,000 home. compassion, like when we feel burned out and cynically
The Buddha also mentioned something else most of us dismiss our kids’ concerns as mere manipulation. We can
know to be true: life is stressful. Change and uncertainty also have compassion without equanimity, responding
are about the only constants we can depend on, and to their immediate wants over their long-term needs
these can contribute to our suffering or our growth. because of our own intolerance of their discomfort.
Everything changes when we start a family, even down As I heard someone recently put it, compassion with
to our brain and hormones—in both women and men. equanimity means, “I want you to be happy, but I don’t
There is little more stressful, uncertain, and full of need you to be happy in order to be OK.”
change than the ongoing process of parenting. And
while change is hard for us parents to accept, growing Rather, equanimity is a radical acceptance of not-
up is not all fun and excitement for kids, either. knowing and a means of not taking everything so
personally. In meditation, we are often taught to
So how do we deal with all this change? How do we recognize strong and difficult emotions as they arise
abide the pains and joys of life—neither getting swept without acting upon them, just like noticing the weather.