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individuals. All relationships change. There is a fear is that it is not all there is when living with trauma
significant difference between non-attachment to and terminal illness. There are so many sources of
a relationship and detachment from a relationship support and companionship that can keep us company
as the people in a relationship change, so too the on the hard path of decline towards death. In our
relationship must change. For example, a parent’s modern theories of the self, the successful person is
form of caring for their child must change as the an independent thinker who is self-contained. When
child ages. Obviously, parents cannot care for their one become gravely ill it can be very difficult to ask for
adult child in the same ways that they did when their help because of that measure of success. In Western
child was a baby. Parental love deepens as it changes societies, where it is not usual for multi-generational
over time. Rather than becoming detached from love families to live together, the idea of an independent
because of impermanence, it can be a living practice of person is constantly reified. Buddhist teachings of
engagement in our life without attachment. interdependence teach us that view of being is false.
Interdependence teaches us that we not only thrive,
When individuals cannot grasp or appreciate their but exist because of our interconnections with others.
connections with others, it gives rise to a sense of By practicing an awareness of this reality we open our
isolation, mistrust, hostility or apathy, eventually a hearts and can begin to ask for help from others and
society with fragile human relationships. How can receive it not from a position of weakness, but living in
Buddhist teachings which emphasize an open heart concert with reality which brings equanimity and joy.
help us?
If there is one very important message you wish
The most inspiring and complete example of beings to share with our readers from your book Storied
who help us live fully and deeply in an interconnected Companions, please tell us.
world are the Bodhisattvas who aspire to only attain
full nirvana or awakening when all other beings also When feeling the powerful impact of impermanence in
attain nirvana by their side. Until that can be realized, our bodies, as we do when living with a terminal illness,
Bodhisattvas vow to remain IN this world with many we should reach out for resources, such as Buddhist
forms of suffering until all beings will attain nirvana. Of stories from the Buddhist scriptures that can guide
course this is the highest ideal of opening your heart us with a new purpose of living up till death with love
for the sake of others. This idealized teaching is not a rather than fear. There are so many resources where we
model that ordinary living beings can reach, however see beauty all around us, including the aspirations of
we can use this idealized, perfected form to inspire the many beings to care for each other with grandeur or in
opening of one’s heart in small and simple ways. Just by small gestures. When we open our heart to experience
catching and holding on to the eye of another person we joy and love in our universe, we can live up to the most
communicate, “I see you and I hope for your well-being.” challenging physical and emotional experience until
It is the smallest of efforts but it can create a big impact. death, experience trauma with love rather than fear.
That is my modest experience. EH
In your inspiring book Storied Companions (Wisdom:
2021), you related how living with an open heart is
possible even when suffering from a terminal illness.
Would you elaborate a bit more on this?

Terminal illness can be a lonely experience. Even
though everyone knows what it feels like to be sick,
it is unusual to know that the source of your death is
already in your body. It is the monster in the closet
or the murderer hiding under your bed. However, the