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One hour later, from the window of the northern train, I saw passing the last
neighborhoods of Berlin. I was rapted thinking in the letter of Rudolph Hess and regretting for
have not been capable to interview him and transmit him some important questions which
required urgent response. Something extraordinary was happening to me since some time ago
and, except for Rudolph Hess, I not dared to trust in anyone.

Since the night of the graduation, when I was presented to the Führer, I began to
experience a curious psychological phenomenon. In that occasion I responded «YHVH-Satan»
to the questions of the Führer. Who is the Enemy of Germany? Against whom are we fighting?,
and I believed to recognize tha such answer had not been reasoned by me, but «caught» or
«heard» with an internal ear.

For me there were no doubts that the heard «Voice» was not mine, it measn that it came
from out of my consciousness. But I also comprehended the impossibility to transmit that
experience to another person without running the risk to inspire distrust about my sanity.

During the journey to Egypt I meditated on this and I reached to the conclusion that the
presence of the Führer had unchained an unconscious phenomenon of discharge being the
heard Voice just a formal intuition. It means that in some manner I «knew» the answer and, in
one moment in which I was psychologically locked by the overwhelming personality of the
Führer, I «divined» or believed to have done it, taking an intuition for an extrasensorial
perception. It was a sceptical conclusion but I had the security that such phenomenon would be
merely cirsumstancial, that it would not happen again. I clung to this certainty with the hidden
fear that its repetition would imply a loss of the rational equilibrium.

It is comprehensible: in a society that considers «normal» what is common to everyone,
that’s to say collective, and represses with the alienation the one who is aparted from the
«normal», to feel oneself different can be dangerous in many senses. Mainly because the lack of
«patrons» or «models» –eliminated systematically or auto-eliminated by the fear– to compare
our «abnormallity» induces us to fear a loss of reason. That fear for the possession of gifts or
virtues which could make us different to the rest is considered a «holy prudence» in a world
that glorifies the mediocrity of the average man and distrust from the individual.

Thereby, timorous of the implications that would have to consider that experience as a
real phenomenon, I attributed the heard Voice to a projection of the unconscious to the
conscious.

However the phenomenon occurred again and not one but many times with the
following alarm by my part that feared to suffer a kind of schizophrenia.

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