Page 153 - A Woman Is No Man

“I can’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s no way Fareeda will let me go to college.”

“What is she going to do if you apply to college and get accepted?
Stand at the door every morning and stop you from going to class?”
“I don’t know what she’ll do, but I don’t want to find out.”
“Why not? What do you have to lose?”
“I don’t know . . . I don’t know. But I don’t want to upset her. I can’t
just defy her. I’m scared . . .”
“Scared of what? What could she possibly do? Hit you? Don’t you think

standing up for your future is worth a beating or two?”
“I don’t know!” Deya said, feeling herself bubble with anger. “Please,
just stop. You’re making light of the situation. You’re making it sound like I
have more power over my life than I actually do, and it’s not fair. If things
were really that simple, then why didn’t you do that yourself? You could’ve
said the same thing to Teta, you could’ve never run away. But it’s not that

simple, is it?”
“It is simple,” Sarah said softly. “No matter how you may feel now, this
is a fact: your life is in your hands. If I had known that when I was your
age, I would’ve done many things differently. I would’ve been less afraid of
the future. I would’ve had more faith in myself. Believe me, not a day goes
by that I don’t regret not standing up to my family. I haven’t seen them in
over ten years, and I miss them. But most of all I wish I could’ve stayed and

watched you and your sisters grow up, maybe even raised you myself.” She
paused. “I don’t want you to end up like me, thinking your life isn’t in your
hands. Making decisions out of weakness and fear. I ran away to escape the
shame of what I’d done, but that came at a cost.”
“What cost? Your life seems pretty great to me.”
“Belonging,” Sarah said.

“Belonging?”
“It’s hard to explain. . . . I still struggle to accept myself and it would
have been better if I’d started sooner, much sooner. It’s hard to belong
anywhere, truly belong, if we don’t belong to ourselves first.”
Deya stared at her. “Are you saying you never made any friends? You
never dated?”
“No, I’ve made friends and I’ve dated.”

“Are you with someone now?”