Page 154 - A Woman Is No Man

“No.”
“Why not? You live by yourself. You can do whatever you want.”
“I think that’s what I mean by truly belonging,” Sarah said. “I’ve met a

lot of guys over the years, but it was hard for me to really connect with
anyone. I wasted a lot of years pretending to be someone that I wasn’t.” She
met Deya’s eyes. “Maybe if I’d had someone to trust back then, to help me
find courage and believe in myself, I wouldn’t have had to lose my family
to find freedom. That’s why I reached out, Deya. I want to help you find
another way.”
Deya looked at her aunt for a long time. If Sarah, this Americanized

woman, who had gone to college and managed a bookstore and lived freely
—if she had regretted her choices, was there any hope for her? She felt
herself sink into her chair. Would she always be afraid? Would she ever
learn courage? Listening to Sarah now, she didn’t think so.
“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked, trying to meet her eyes. “Why the sad
face?”

“I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. I thought I was
confused about my life before—but now I’m even more confused. You’re
telling me I need to accept myself for who I am, that I need to stand up for
what I truly believe in instead of running away, but that only sounds good in
theory. It doesn’t work like that in the real world. Self-acceptance won’t
solve my problems, and courage won’t get me anywhere. These things
sound great in some inspirational speech, or in a book, but the real world is

much more complicated.”
“Tell me,” Sarah said, sitting up in her chair. “Why can’t you stand up
to my parents?”
Deya fixed her eyes on the window.
“You can tell me,” Sarah said. “Be honest with me, with yourself. What
are you so afraid of?”

“Everything!” Deya heard the sound of her voice before she knew she
was speaking. “I’m afraid of everything! I’m afraid of letting down my
family and culture, only to find out that they were right in the end. I’m
afraid of what people will think of me if I don’t do what I’m supposed to
do. But I’m also afraid of listening to them and coming to regret it. I’m
afraid of getting married, but I’m even more afraid of being alone. There’s a
thousand voices in my head, and I don’t know which one to listen to! The

rest of my life is staring me in the face, and I don’t know what to do!” She