Page 260 - A Woman Is No Man

“But you always say that,” Deya said, touching her arm again. Isra
shrank back. “You always say tomorrow, and we never play.”
“I don’t have time to play!” Isra snapped, moving Deya’s arm away.

“Go play with your sisters.” She returned her gaze to the window.
The view outside was gray, the sun hidden behind a broken cloud.
Every now and then, she turned to look back at Deya. Why had she spoken
to her daughter like that? Would it have been so hard to play one little
game? When had she become so harsh? She didn’t want to be harsh. She
wanted to be a good mother.

The next day Isra watched Nadine tossing a ball with Ameer in the
driveway. Nadine’s smiling face made Isra sick. Nadine stood straight and

tall, her belly round as a basketball in front of her. Her third son was on his
way. What had she done in her life to deserve three boys? All while Isra had
none. But this failure paled in comparison to Isra’s biggest shame: what she
had done to her daughters. What she continued to do to them.
Later that afternoon, while Isra soaked lentils to prepare adas for dinner,
Khaled entered the kitchen to make za’atar. But instead of heading straight

to the pantry to collect the spices, he stopped in front of Isra and spoke.
“I’m sorry, daughter,” he said, “for what I said the night Adam hit you.”
Isra stepped away from the kitchen sink. Khaled had barely spoken a
word to anyone since Sarah had left.
“I’ve been thinking of that night for some time now.” His voice was
almost a whisper. “I’ve been thinking maybe God took Sarah from us as
punishment for what we’ve done to you.”

“No. That’s not true,” Isra managed to say.
“But it is.”
“Don’t say that,” Isra said, trying to meet his gaze. She noticed that his
eyes were wet.
“Something like this—it makes you reconsider things.” Khaled walked
past Isra to the pantry and returned to the kitchen, spices in hand. He poured

the sesame seeds into an iron skillet. “It makes you wonder if any of this
would’ve happened if we’d never left home.”
Isra had wondered this, too, only she hadn’t dared admit it. “Do you
want to go back?” she asked, remembering what Adam had once said about
wishing he could return. “I mean, would you if you could?”