Page 30 - Jewish News_July-2020

30 July 2020 JEWISH INTEREST

Aging Jewishly – What our traditions teach us about growing old

When the economy goes south, should we help the kids?

By Rabbi Barbara Aiello
“ et’s turn off the computer ish traditions, written thousands of in action is the caring we bring to given to one child, the other children
and go to bed.” Mel pushed years ago, to see if there were guide- members of our communities and our should be informed and promised simi-
Lthe power button, shook his lines that could apply to their modern- families. They deserve caring action lar monetary gifts either now or at the
head and turned to his wife Liddy. day difficulty. Their first stop was the when they need it simply because we time of inheritance,”
Mel’s worry was obvious. “I don’t like Psalms, where we read, “It is a blessing share the bonds of interpersonal con- Mel and Liddy knew what to do.
what I hear when I talk to the grand- to be able to earn our own way in the nection. Caring for each other is part of Tyler and Paula, the grandchildren in
kids. Tyler’s new business is suffer- world and thereby enjoy the fruits of what makes us fully human.” need, were offered a monetary gift for
ing and Paula’s our own labor, You shall eat the fruit of Mel and Liddy agreed that Jewish which they were thrilled and grateful.
hair salon is on your effort – you shall be happy and it tradition supports the idea of offering The other three grandchildren were
the brink.” Lid- shall be well with you.” (128) financial help to children or grandchil- pleased to have been informed and
dy agreed. “The Mel and Liddy worked hard all dren, but just how to do it? What ap- were content with their grandparents’
kids work hard their lives. Indeed, they had enjoyed proach should they take? promise to do the same for them come
but the economy the fruits of their efforts. They had Enter Christina Baltz, financial ad- inheritance time.
is for nothing. money in the bank. They could help visor who was quoted in a recent New The work of an esteemed rabbinic
They didn’t ask their grandchildren, but should they? York Times article, “Thinking about sage and halachic expert, Rabbi Joseph
for money, but Turning to the Torah, Mel found ad- Giving Money to Your Adult Children? Caro, is summarized by Rabbi Shlomo
should we offer ditional guidance. “Look here, Liddy. Think Again,” who tackles the ques- Ganzfried in his book, Kitzur Shulchan
Rabbi Barbara Aiello to help?” What do you think of this? The Torah tions of when and how much money Aruch. Rabbi Ganzfried’s volume, first
No one anticipated the profound tells us that it is a positive command- should be given to adult children, es- published in 1864, explains elements
effect that the Coronavirus health crisis ment to give charity and “Open your pecially if they are able-bodied and of halakah in clear and understand-
would have had on friends and fam- hand generously and extend to [your well-educated. How long should any able terms, telling us, “If you support
ily, and few predicted the economic needy brother] any credit he needs to financial help last? And should it be a your grown children (or grandchildren)
devastation that would follow. Nation- take care of his wants.” (Deut. 15:8) gift, loan or advance on an inheritance? whom you are not obligated to support
wide lockdowns, stay-at-home laws, Thanks to an explanation by Rabbi Susan Covell Alpert, author of and they need your support, that is tze-
and businesses that when they finally Aryeh Kaplan (The Handbook of Jew- Later Is Too Late: Hard Conversations dakah, (because) the poor person in
opened, were forced by social dis- ish Thought; Vol. 2), Mel and Liddy That Can’t Wait, offers answers when your house takes precedence over the
tancing requirements to serve fewer examined the Jewish approach to char- she recommends that, “Giving a child poor person in your city.”
customers – all these had dire effects. itable giving. Rabbi Kaplan writes, “A money for certain milestones, like col- “We’d like to help everyone,” Lid-
Savings that took years to accumulate fifth of one’s income is considered a lege graduation, marriage or the birth dy said. “But we did what we could for
dried up in weeks. Small businesses generous contribution to charity, and of children, may seem like a good idea our family.” Liddy echoes Rabbi Gan-
like those operated by Mel and Liddy’s should not be exceeded. It is forbid- on paper. But it can stoke feelings of zfried’s sentiments precisely, so much
grandchildren took especially hard hits. den to impoverish oneself by distribut- anger and resentment in children who so that if those rabbis were here with
Liddy switched off the bedside ing all of one’s wealth to charity, and don’t marry or can’t have children.” us, I’m sure they’d offer a “Kol HaKa-
light. “Let’s think about it, Mel. Maybe one who does so is counted among the This got Mel and Liddy thinking. vod,” Liddy and Mel. Well done!
we should help the kids out. Give them foolishly pious…” Two of their five grandchildren were Rabbi Barbara Aiello is the first woman
some of our savings.” Mel wasn’t so “If we give the grandkids some suffering economically during the Coro- rabbi in Italy. She is spiritual leader of
sure. “They haven’t asked and I don’t money, sounds to me like we shouldn’t navirus crisis. The other three worked the first active synagogue in southern
want to embarrass them. Let’s sleep go overboard,” Liddy said. Mel agreed in professions that were untouched by Italy since Inquisition times, founder
on,” Mel sighed. but he still wasn’t sure how to approach the current economic downturn (news of Italy’s Pluralistic Jewish move-
Several days later, after Mel and the grandkids in what was clearly their broadcaster, NASA engineer and sani- ment, and a mentoring rabbi for Dar-
Liddy spoke with close friends about time of need. tation supervisor). Should they give to shan Yeshiva’s conversion program.
their grandchildren’s financial di- According to Rabbi David Teutsch two and not the other three? She is a vice president of Kulanu, an
lemma, Mel had an “Aha” moment. (Reconstructing Judaism), that’s where Thanks to author Alpert who rec- international Jewish organization that
“We’ve consulted our friends. Now covenanted caring – the Jewish con- ommends “…that parents be open and supports Jewish diversity worldwide.
let’s see what the Torah has to say.” cept of Hesed – comes in. The rabbi fair when giving money to adult chil- Contact her at rabbi@rabbibarbara.
Mel and Liddy turned to their Jew- explains that “Lovingkindness (Hesed) dren (or grandchildren). If money is com.

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