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Publish a book of the seven or so stories referred to by
critics and academics when claiming that there are
‘only so many stories ever told’. These narratives – boy
meets girl, pride comes before a fall, etc – would be
described in generic terms. The book could be marketed
as the ‘only book you ever need to read’ and could list all

191the other books, films and operas with plotlines derived
from each principle narrative.

Chas Bayfield
23 April 2001

Produce all-in-one kits for people entering traumatic
stages of life. Packs may include the First Period Kit
comprising a hot water bottle, ibuprofen, tissues and
chocolate; the Puberty Kit including spot cream,
cleanser, tissues and books on sex and relationships;
the Bereavement Kit complete with black armband,
photo-frames and tissues. The packs, which could be

192sponsored by Kleenex (as all the crucial stages seem to
require their products), would make the perfect gifts for
family or friends wanting help, while also sparing them
the embarrassment of talking about the subject.

Jonathan Lake
24 April 2001