Page 48 - Meeting with Children Book

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A significant proportion of teenagers in highly
conflictual families, however, do not
realistically differentiate the strengths and
vulnerabilities of each of their disputing
parents. Instead, the young person appears to
be caught up in the interparental war and
views one parent as the all good and perfect
parent and the other as having no redeemable
features. Their view of themselves is similarly
polarized in that when joined with the “good”
parent in the “holy crusade” against the “bad”
parent, they are self-righteous and intolerant.
p. 167 Johnston et. al 2009

With the continued cognitive development, the older
teen may be more capable of making use of an outside
family helper such as a counselor to assist in
perspective taking and development of greater levels
of differentiation.

Considerations when Meeting with
Adolescents of Separation and Divorce
The first matter of consideration is that adolescents
are not adults. They are wise in many ways, they can
use their current and past experiences to draw on to
make meaning about their lives, and they can provide
opinions about how they would like their lives to
unfold. They have particular vulnerabilities, however,
that must be acknowledged and the vulnerabilities
relate both to personal makeup and to their parents’
abilities and stability.