Page 23 - Meeting with Children Manual

Section 2

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What is a Distancing Technique?
 This is the use of objects (both conventional and non-conventional), drawings
and other expressive items to hear children. Conventional items are toys and
figures that may be found in most playrooms and non-conventional items are
things not directly related to regular toys.
 Understanding the play is important, but this is done through listening to what
the child says about what their play is about or means.
 Children speak out when they can also see the story in front of them. Children
are allowed space and distance from distressing issues and experiences and
are able to put forward complex issues without having to emotionally manage
them in a ‘here and now’ way.
Why does direct interviewing through questions often fail?
 You can formulate the perfect questions, but children become immobilized,
pivot from your intrusions and either do not answer you or accommodate what
they think you want to hear from them.
 When using picture cards for instance, children can project their ideas and
thoughts onto an image. It is easier to choose a picture and provide some ideas
as to why you chose a picture by following the instruction: “Which one reminds
you of mum, dad or your sister or brother? versus “How do you feel about your
father?”

Important Considerations in Meeting with children

 Be prepared to offer choices for expression. This can include miniatures,
projective cards, drawing/art materials, doll houses, building block, Lego, baby
dolls etc.
 Have a process in mind – How will you begin?
 Have the child in mind – What did you learn from hearing from others about the
child?
 Stay away from seeking answers to ultimate questions
 Stay curious: Who is this child? What is important to this child?
 Make sure your questions remain “In” the metaphor

Meeting with children requires all of you. It means you are open to how children
function. ALL of the following skills are necessary:
 Establishing trust and engagement
 Being comfortable with toys and objects and knowing how to introduce items in
your play space
 Not feeling the need to lead the process through a series of pointed questions
 Suspending judgment (re: meanings)
 Holding (meaning being able to sit in silence or to follow the child’s energetic
behaviors)
 Staying out of the way by making use of open-ended invitations and questions
and using wondering style questions
 Allowing the child to show and tell you vs. you directing the activities and play
 Sitting with a number of hypotheses of what a play action/drawing may mean
 Following up your hypotheses with questions that stay in the metaphor
 Comfort in using age appropriate language

© The International Centre for Children and Family Law Inc. This material cannot be copied in whole or in part without the express written permission
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