Page 604 - the-idiot

almost on tiptoes, to the door, he opened it, went out, and
shut it behind him.
‘I did not rise from my bed, and I don’t know how long
I lay with my eyes open, thinking. I don’t know what I
thought about, nor how I fell asleep or became insensible;
but I awoke next morning after nine o’clock when they
knocked at my door. My general orders are that if I don’t
open the door and call, by nine o’clock, Matreona is to come
and bring my tea. When I now opened the door to her, the
thought suddenly struck me—how could he have come in,
since the door was locked? I made inquiries and found that
Rogojin himself could not possibly have come in, because
all our doors were locked for the night.
‘Well, this strange circumstance—which I have described
with so much detail—was the ultimate cause which led me
to taking my final determination. So that no logic, or logi-
cal deductions, had anything to do with my resolve;—it was
simply a matter of disgust.
‘It was impossible for me to go on living when life was
full of such detestable, strange, tormenting forms. This
ghost had humiliated me;—nor could I bear to be subordi-
nate to that dark, horrible force which was embodied in the
form of the loathsome insect. It was only towards evening,
when I had quite made up my mind on this point, that I be-
gan to feel easier.

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