Page 341 - the-brothers-karamazov

‘Forgive father, forgive him,’ — that only God knows — and
I, his father. For our children — not your children, but ours
— the children of the poor gentlemen looked down upon
by everyone — know what justice means, sir, even at nine
years old. How should the rich know? They don’t explore
such depths once in their lives. But at that moment in the
square when he kissed his hand, at that moment my Ilu-
sha had grasped all that justice means. That truth entered
into him and crushed him for ever, sir,’ the captain said hot-
ly again with a sort of frenzy, and he struck his right fist
against his left palm as though he wanted to show how ‘the
truth’ crushed Ilusha. ‘That very day, sir, he fell ill with fe-
ver and was delirious all night. All that day he hardly said
a word to me, but I noticed he kept watching me from the
corner, though he turned to the window and pretended to
be learning his lessons. But I could see his mind was not
on his lessons. Next day I got drunk to forget my troubles,
sinful man as I am, and I don’t remember much. Mamma
began crying, too — I am very fond of mamma — well, I
spent my last penny drowning my troubles. Don’t despise
me for that, sir, in Russia men who drink are the best. The
best men amongst us are the greatest drunkards. I lay down
and I don’t remember about Ilusha, though all that day the
boys had been jeering at him at school. ‘Wisp of tow,’ they
shouted, ‘your father was pulled out of the tavern by his
wisp of tow, you ran by and begged forgiveness.’
‘On the third day when he came back from school, I
saw he looked pale and wretched. ‘What is it?’ I asked. He
wouldn’t answer. Well, there’s no talking in our mansion

0 The Brothers Karamazov