Page 500 - the-brothers-karamazov

had been no bloodshed and no serious consequences, and
as I resigned my commission, they took it as a joke. And I
began then to speak aloud and fearlessly, regardless of their
laughter, for it was always kindly and not spiteful laughter.
These conversations mostly took place in the evenings, in
the company of ladies; women particularly liked listening
to me then and they made the men listen.
‘But how can I possibly be responsible for all?’ everyone
would laugh in my face. ‘Can I, for instance, be responsible
for you?’
‘You may well not know it,’ I would answer, ‘since the
whole world has long been going on a different line, since we
consider the veriest lies as truth and demand the same lies
from others. Here I have for once in my life acted sincerely
and, well, you all look upon me as a madman. Though you
are friendly to me, yet, you see, you all laugh at me.’
‘But how can we help being friendly to you?’ said my host-
ess, laughing. The room was full of people. All of a sudden
the young lady rose, on whose account the duel had been
fought and whom only lately I had intended to be my future
wife. I had not noticed her coming into the room. She got
up, came to me and held out her hand.
‘Let me tell you,’ she said, ‘that I am the first not to laugh
at you, but on the contrary I thank you with tears and ex-
press my respect for you for your action then.’
Her husband, too, came up and then they all approached
me and almost kissed me. My heart was filled with joy, but
my attention was especially caught by a middle-aged man
who came up to me with the others. I knew him by name al-