Page 32 - Megan Reichman

He Said, She Said

Why Won't He Talk?

By Robert Tussey & Judith A. Habert
Photo by Lisa K. Miller
Are men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as
author Dr. John Gray states in his bestselling book?
Do men and women really see things that differently?
If given the same question could their answers really
be so different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to
explore the differences between "them" and "us". Read
this month's installment and find out how the sexes
differ when it comes to communicating with each other.
What topics would you like to see us duke it out over in
upcoming issues? No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from
you!

He Said... She Said...

I did a straw poll of about fifteen men friends (of varying I have to say that you do have a point. This is probably one
backgrounds, educational levels and cultures), asking the of the hardest counterpoints that I have had to face to date,
question, “Do you get accused of not communicating with because I, like many other women are guilty of the accu-
your wife/girlfriend?” Their answers weren’t surprising: sation. It is tough for women as well. Especially women
They went from a meek, ‘yeah,’ to, “Are you kidding me?” It of a “certain age” brought up in a time when women were
32 seems that no matter what a man says it is not an answer or expected to speak softer than men and not always voice
statement you ladies want to hear. We ask where you want
to go for dinner and you say you don’t care. Once we’re our true feelings. When asked “Where would you like to go
there…you know the rest. Vacations, weekend getaways, eat?” I still have trouble voicing my preference. Why you
groceries, the list is endless and we wind up the culprit: may ask? Personally, as barbaric as it might seem, I was
We’re controlling, manipulative, insensitive to your needs, raised to feel that if the man is paying, he should make the
and worst of all we don’t love you because we…again, you decision. I would not want to pick a pricey establishment
know the rest. that might be a burden, but quite frankly I have gotten into
If you want to talk – say so. If you want direct answers – say the habit of not deciding even if I am footing the bill. Is it
so. If you’re angry – say so. We cannot read your minds culture, upbringing, manners? I am really not sure. Maybe
just as you can’t read ours. Our lives are more complex and it comes from bad experiences, having picked a place and
busy today than they have ever been. This requires cogent the man in my life finding fault with every aspect of it from
communication both ways. food to service. So if I don’t pick, I can’t be blamed if it is
In the last decade women have started more businesses: horrible.
You are the new entrepreneurial leaders. More of you are
graduating from college than ever before and are leaders
of industry and Supreme Court Justices. The millennium When it comes to communicating effectively between
belongs to you yet you hang on to the old cliché of ‘you sexes, well that’s an entirely different situation. Women
men don’t talk to us.’ Perhaps it’s because we’ve tried for sometimes talk about everything, ad nauseam, men don’t.
decades and the results haven’t changed. Perhaps it’s just Well, most men don’t. Do women feel the need to talk
easier to nod our heads. But none of us want that. about every element of their life out loud? It appears that
Therapists will tell you that communication is a two way way. But why? Personally I think it stems from insecurity.
street. Do you listen to us, or just hear us (the old maxim, if a We are always fearful of making the wrong decision. If we
man is in the forest and says something, is he still wrong?)? get five other people’s opinion before we make a decision
We are simple creatures and will do anything for our ladies and it turns out to be a bad one, well then we don’t have to
(Alright, football season can be a bit of a stretch) but you take the blame alone. Throughout history there was rarely
have to keep the playing field level and put away some of a time when women had to appear strong and unwavering
the old female stand-by attitudes. Understand that men
don’t need to say as much about a subject as women. We’re in their decision process.
not wired that way. We can buy shoes in ten minutes – and
be happy about it.
September/October 2010