Page 46 - Fashion issue

Forgiveness too eager to duplicate the experience in our adult lives. But that
picture is not a true representation of what forgiveness really is.

I wrestled with forgiveness for two long depressing years after I
recalled memories I had long since suppressed: memories of my
Dad sexually abusing me, getting me pregnant and my Mom bring-
ing me for an abortion. Let me assure you, forgiveness was not my
By Josée D’Amore desire. In fact, I refused to forgive thinking “Why should I have to
forgive him?” “If I forgive him, that's letting him off the hook, isn't it?”
“He doesn't deserve to be forgiven.” “Doesn't
forgiveness mean I have to trust that person
again?” “I don't feel like forgiving him.”
After resisting it for two years, I realized I
wasn’t getting any better. I was still hurting,
still wounded, still broken. I wanted to move
on. I was tired of being in that place.
So, in a final desperate moment, I made a
decision to dive into this concept of forgive-
ness until I really understood what it meant.
As I studied it and wrestled with it, what I
discovered was stunning. I was unprepared to
learn that forgiveness is actually a gift to the
one who is hurting. That’s right: it’s a gift for
you! Hard to imagine? I understand. It was
unfathomable to me as well.
For me, forgiveness was the exit sign out of
my misery and pain. It was a choice, one that
I made every day at first and often numerous
times throughout one day. It was a choice
accompanied by tears, pain, discomfort and
anguish. I made a commitment to this process
and I was determined to see it through to the
end. I am so very glad I did. As I walked this
path, I began to heal. As I healed freedom
46 started to form in my life. Relationships im-
proved, my ability to function in life increased,
my outlook in life was positive and there was
even a joy that took up residence in my soul.
The bitterness, betrayal, anger, sense of
abandonment and the depression evaporated
as I continued to take on the attitude of forgive-
ness.
Even in my choice to forgive my Dad I wasn’t
able to have a relationship with him, since he
took no responsibility for his actions. In that, I
learned that forgiveness does not depend on
the other person’s response, it is proven within
the genuineness of my own heart. In order to
walk in forgiveness, I didn’t have to allow him
in my life again, for forgiveness and trust are
two very different things. Forgiveness is a gift
to the one who is hurting and trust is some-
thing that is proven within the character of the
other person. My Dad was not safe to have
a relationship with. Those who have proven
themselves to be unsafe are not worthy of
trust.
My journey with forgiveness has been paved
with gems of hope and profound revelation. It
Forgiveness is, I believe, greatly misunderstood. Since we don’t un- changed me completely. I wouldn’t trade it for anything; not even
derstand it, we reject it. Our society has twisted it into an unattract- a life free from abuse. When the beauty of the gift of forgiveness
ive form. In fact, often times our first introduction goes something becomes apparent it is compelling. I have found nothing else that
like this: as a child our parents force us to say that we are sorry to offers freedom to the soul like forgiveness does. It is complete in its
our friend for a wrong-doing and the other child’s parents force their work and it transforms you into who you were meant to be.
child to accept the apology. These are good intentions on the part
of parents. After all, how else do they teach these valuable lessons To order a copy of Josée's book The Soul's Take, in either
to their children? Nevertheless, the child's words are usually said ebook or hard copy, visit http://everything4youstore.com/how_
reluctantly and are more of a statement of resignation than anything to___?b=1 or at http://store.payloadz.com/go/?id=1016340 or
else. It doesn’t feel good as a child to apologize and none of us are http://dailydisciplesstore.com/books