Page 29 - Susan Taylor

He Said, She Said

Photos by Lisa K. Miller

Are Men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as author Dr. John Gray
states in his bestselling book? Do men and women really see things that
differently? If given the same question could their answers really be so
different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to explore the differences be-
tween "them" and "us". Read this month's installment and find out how the
sexes differ when it comes to communicating with each other. What topics
would you like to see us duke it out over in upcoming issues?
No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from you!

Anniversaries

Anniversaries are the third rail for men in relationships. I must admit, most of what “He Said” about anniversaries rings true. If you should
Valentine’s Day, birthdays, other holidays that simply don’t ask us what we want for our anniversary or birthday and we say, “It’s ok sweetie,
make any sense: The day we first met – including the who, you don’t need to buy me a gift. Just spending the day with you is all the gift I
what, when, where and why. The Vernal equinox. The first need.” No…We really don’t mean it…well all of it. Of course we do want to spend
time I sent you roses. The second time I sent you roses. Re- the day with you, but you had better have a little surprise waiting for us by the end
ally? And don’t forget the florist because there will always be of that date. It doesn’t have to be a big gift, after all, diamonds and other forms
a better one ‘you could’ve used just a block away.’ of jewelry come in very small packages. But all kidding aside, most women don’t
It’s true that most men like their birthdays remembered – judge the gift by the price tag, but instead by how much care went into purchasing
even though we deny it. Because, we think we might get the gift. If you and your lady were on a shopping trip three months earlier and she
lucky (wink wink, nod nod). Again, really? Truth be told, passed a purse, picked it up, put it on her arm, looked in the mirror and sighed over
we’re better in the beginning of relationships than after a few the image she saw and you surprised her with that very purse for your anniversary,
years, married or not. Whereas women aren’t looking for the buddy you just struck gold: You listened and bought her a gift she loved. That is a
getting lucky thing as much as how creative you are with the win-win situation.
gift(s) and the romance: When she says not to worry about a It is no big surprise to most of us that a great motivator in the minds of men is
nice dinner or anything fancy, you had better make this night “What can I do that will make my lady so happy with me that I am guaranteed to
an event her girlfriends will gaggle about for months. If you have an evening of mad passionate love making?” Yes, we know that is at the
fail this (by taking her at her word) you won’t suffer immedi- core of everything you do, but the truth is that we know in the morning whether
ately. Nah, this goes in the bin for a later date – where you or not the evening is going to end as you would like it. As a well-known female
will be helpless in defending yourself. And, you cannot make standup comic once said, “If men would just keep their mouths shut they would get
it up the next day. It might as well be twenty years later be- a lot more sex. The more they talk the less likely we are to carry out our original San Diego Woman
cause you have shown how ‘little you care for the important plan for the evening.” I honestly do not know a single woman who all of a sudden
things’ in her life. became filled with lust because of a high priced gift. It is the romance. We love the
You’ll know when Karma is about to bite your backside romance. Especially when it comes to anniversary celebrations. Yes, we expect
when she, out of nowhere, begins a conversation with, “You you to remember the day we were married. If you can’t remember the most im-
remember that time when…” You can’t feign enough regret portant day in your life perhaps that would be a good tattoo to get on your wrist or 29
and consolation to get over on this one. Oh, you’ll offer to ankle, because the pain from the tattoo would be nothing in comparison to the pain
make it up by doing anything she wants. Seriously guys, this we will inflict should you dare to forget the most magical day of our lives. And yes
lacks panache and common sense. If you tell her you will do you should also remember the day we met, the day of our first kiss, the day you
anything she wants she’s going to think, “This is the guy who proposed, the day we signed our first lease on an apartment together, and the day
missed it the first time, and wants me to tell him what will we opened our first joint bank account. Come on, how hard is that?
make me happy?” Men, you have violated the Female Code I have to admit, women do seem to have a larger area of the brain in which to store
of Conduct (FCC) under section 35, subsection 82 that says, these important dates then men do, but that does not let you off the hook. Why
‘if I don’t know what I want, how can I tell you.’ do you think we agreed to buy smart phones? The real reason was to be certain
We have to get it right the first time, every time. This is our you have a calendar on hand at all times in which to place ALL of these important
burden in life. And if you have the long term planning ability dates. And don’t forget the alerts so you don’t end up having to run out the night
to get it right for thirty years and you give her this wonderful before to buy us a gift. Three days in advance is a respectable amount of time, in
gift on the thirty-first, you’ll hear, “Didn’t you get this same case it takes several days to find the perfect gift to commemorate the opening of
gift on our sixteenth anniversary?” Men go bald for a reason! that joint bank account.
But I can tell you that nothing lowers the blood pressure Oh, and let’s not forget that if you plan on sending us flowers, it should always be
better than getting the perfect gift, the perfect dinner, and to our office or place of employment. Flowers sent to our apartment, where no one
that look in her eyes that says ‘You did good.’ If we could but you and I will see them, is a waste of perfectly good flowers. Women want their
verbalize our relief there would be some small island off of co-workers to be envious - no, make that green with jealousy, at what a thoughtful
Peru where someone would say, ‘Did you hear that?” and considerate husband or boyfriend we have. Plus, everyone who passes your
Most guys I know agonize each year about anniversaries (all desk will say “Oh is it your Birthday/Anniversary today?” We love the attention, and
of them). At my last count there are at least twenty-two sure the jealousy.
fire ‘don’t mess this up’ days. And that’s just from a straw poll That extra-large section of our brain, where we store the special dates, also has a
I’ve been doing. Ok, the poll was only one of my buddies, but separate compartment where we store all the times you failed to meet our expecta-
you can see where this is going. We cannot write these on tions. We might not say anything that night, but yes, it is true….it will come up
calendars – you have to. Men, have you ever heard, “Well, if again. And we do not believe you when you say, I don’t remember doing that,
you can’t remember something as simple as this!” you know even though you probably don’t because your brain compartment is full of baseball,
that you don’t get the help of the written word. football or golf stats, instead of what it should be full of, our precious important
The FCC (Female Code of conduct) says in Section 1 Sub- dates.
section 2, “When he starts to catch on to our FCC, CHANGE More than any part of the “He Said” comments, the one I take the most offense to
THE CODES!!!! is quoting the Female Code of Conduct. Who is the traitor who told him about our
FCC? Now we are going to have to rewrite it once again…Come on ladies, stick
together.