Page 40 - Sandy Jackman Pantai Hotel

A guide for family, friends and loved ones

in preparing for the effects of the growing
elder population …a Public Service from

“Those Who Care”

Assisting with Older Adult Transitions

As people begin to experience their first phase in transitioning to pedia of learned knowledge about life. The idea is to tap into that
being an "older adult," they often have the initial sense of relief and knowledge and use it to the older adult's best advantage. Empow-
optimism toward their future. For example, many working adults ering the senior with decision making abilities and ensuring that she
actually look forward to retirement, where they will have fewer is always included in conversations about her future, will give her a
responsibilities and less stress. The idea of the "golden years" still sense of control over her own life (even as it transitions away from
blooms bright for those folks. Yet, as so often will happen, older the life she once knew).
adults may not be fully prepared for the actual transitions that lie
ahead for them. Issues with physical abilities, social situations, and For the adult offspring, the plan is to move into these discussions
financial concerns will quickly creep into their daily dialogues, and with the right attitude and proper words. As these discussions will
40 they are woefully under-educated regarding these soon-to-happen most likely be emotionally charged, both with present and past
issues, the presentation is all important. Simply talking to mom
changes. For these "older adults" and their families, the goal (as
Averne L. Brandt, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, in her about where she is going to live will not suffice. The meeting with
article Transition Issues for the Elderly and Their Families stated), mom must be planned out well. It is important that you approach
"is to maximize the positive and develop strategies for coping with this discussion properly:
the stresses." Ms. Brandt has divided the transition period into two
main focal points: 1. Attitude. You must be having this discussion with mom, not
for her.
1. Look at change realistically, and
2. Practice what you would like to say with someone you trust.
2. Empowering your senior parent.
3. Plan out what you will say.
With regard to being realistic about the changes that may be up-
coming in your senior's life, there are both physical and emotional 4. Plan out what outcome you would like to see come from the
issues to contend with. The fact is that as we age our processes meeting.
slow down. Physical abilities become more restricted (i.e., walking
up and down steps becomes more difficult), visual acuity is less- 5. Use "I" statements. This shows mom that the views you
ened, and hearing and memory also become less accurate than state are yours and not just a way to bully her into something
when the senior was a younger person. Couple these physical she may not want.
changes with the emotional transitions that are occurring, such as
a change in role identity (i.e., moving from an important role at work 6. Accept the fact that mom may not agree with you.
to one of subservient player at home), handling losses (i.e., their
job, their friends at work, etc.), and their soon to occur changes in 7. Give mom time to think about the discussion and the pos-
relationships with their children (i.e., from fully responsible parent sible changes that would be in store for her.
to having their children begin to be part of their decision making
process) all lead to a very difficult transition for both the older adult 8. Keep old issues out of the discussion.
and their family.
9. Keep the topic straight forward and on target.
To begin the process of assisting your older adult's transition
phase, it is important to include the older adult in the process. 10. Only go as far as mom can handle at the moment. Mom
This is not an "I know what's best for Mom." situation, but rather a may need to take a break or resume the discussion at a later
"Mom, I'd like to talk with you about my concerns regarding your date/time. Remember number 7 above.
living situation." As a result of all the losses the older adult has
been experiencing over the last several years (and will continue to Transitions are difficult for everyone. Be supportive and you and
experience until they pass away), the senior is a walking encyclo- your loved one will work out the big stuff.