Page 41 - Rana Sampson Issue (1)

Potty Train Your Mouth Before Potty Training Your Toddler

By Erin Pistilli

When my husband and I decided that we were ready to start a puter keeps shutting off while you are writing an important paper,
family, our decision was met with many cautionary tales of how the nothing sums up your frustration better than a plain old “dammit” or
birth of a child means the death of a social life. In other words: we “ah, hell.” But you can’t say those things anymore, because, take
could kiss our Saturday nights cruising the Pacific Beach bar scene my word for it, there is another set of eyes and ears out there that
good-bye. My husband and I had long since decided that we were will be more than likely to repeat what you say.
getting a little long in the tooth to be bumping elbows with the So if you haven’t started a family yet, you might get some
young twenty-somethings in Typhoon Saloon anyways-so no prob- of the same or very similar advice from friends and family as we
lem there. We were also told that freedom would be just a word did. But here’s my take on it: Giving up a social life? Not really. I
to us. No more picking up, coming and going as we please. Las mean, there are adjustments: Saturday nights will be spent cuddled
Vegas would become a destination we used to go to when we were up with your toddler watching Dora the Explorer reruns. Giving up
younger. My husband and I were ok with this too (besides, my your freedom? Again-not really. It will just take you a little bit longer
mom would watch the kids for us if we really wanted to go, right?). to plan trips, and pack up baby gear, but you are free to go on
If these were the worst things that life would throw at us for decid- social outings with friends that have kids your age, where you will
ing to have a baby, well-bring it on. Nothing was going to sway our discuss the newest Brad Pitt movie and breastfeeding. The one
decision. We were ready to have a baby.
We had a beautiful blue-eyed angel,
Caitlyn, whose eyes, even at birth, were inquisitive
and full of curiosity. Little did we know then that
those eyes would watch us intently for the next
three years, and that her little ears would soak
up every last word we would say. By the time
she was one or so, she was this cute little mimic,
chatting away on her Disney princess cell phone,
having conversations with daddy or grandma. By
one and a half, she would put her hands on her
hips and demand that daddy open a window if
she smelled anything remotely foul. It was cute.
It was precious…until the fateful day my husband San Diego
stepped in a gopher hole. Woman
Mark had taken her out to enjoy the
beautiful San Diego dusk that was upon us.
The air was sweet, the sky a chorus of reds
and purple, and Mr. Gopher was hard at work, 41
destroying our front yard. As my husband turned
to go inside, he stepped into one of the holes that
decorated our yard and the mother of all cuss
words flew out of his mouth as he stumbled and
kicked a cloud of dirt all over the place. Once he
had recovered from his blunder, he looked over at our little girl who thing you will have to give up: bad word usage. Words and phrases
smiled sweetly at him and said, “F***”. that you didn’t view as bad before become very bad when you have
Unfortunately, that word became her favorite and for the a mouthy toddler (ex. ‘Shut-up’).Take it from us…they start listening
next week or so, it would slip out of her mouth We didn’t laugh at a very young age. If you are even talking about starting a family,
or react (which by the way is super hard however which way you cut back on your love of cuss words. And if you haven’t noticed by
look at it). If Mark was frustrated at traffic, Caitlyn would give a now, pretty much all channels (including the ABC Family channel-
sympathetic “F***”. We would look out the windows as if she said which I find really ironic) have shows that constantly use words like
nothing. If her uncle got frustrated getting one of his game consoles “bitch” and “ass“, so you will definitely have to monitor TV shows.
to work, Caitlyn would give an almost obligatory “F***” to sum up The last thing you want is an angel-faced, foul-mouthed child.
his irritation. (I had to banish my brother from the room on that one As for us, we have cut back drastically on our usage of
because he was overcome with the giggles). So what do we do foul-language. We aren’t perfect by any means, and every once in
now? awhile a curse might slip out, but we have learned to channel our
Our friends had warned us that our social life would be frustration into more useful words, like “darn” (we just couldn’t bring
over, we would lose our freedom, but they never warned us that we ourselves to use “fiddlesticks”) As for Caitlyn? With lots of patience,
would lose our ability to let out a good cuss word here and there. I and ignoring her when she did use a bad word, she eventually
am ashamed to admit it, but every once in awhile, when the occa- stopped all together. Well, almost: last week she did mutter ‘dam-
sion calls for it, I like to let lose a colorful expletive that describes mit’ after losing a riveting game of ‘Memory’. How did we handle
exactly how I am feeling. Mark and I didn’t realize how hard it would that? Now that she is three, we explained to her that nobody in the
be to replace some of our favorite “feeling” words with something house, including mommy and daddy, should use words like that.
like “darn” or “fiddlesticks”. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we Then we spent the rest of our Saturday night playing Memory with
go around cussing and cursing at every little thing, and we’re not our little girl while our smiling 9-month old son watched us intently
saying anyone should, but when you stub your toe or your com- from his bouncer.
March/April 2011