Page 32 - Digital Version For Web SDW Bridal 2015 (2)

He Said, She Said

Photos by Lisa K. Miller

We have all realized that obviously men and women don't always
see things exactly the same way. So, even though, we are a
Woman's Magazine, we only thought it fair that we allow men to
have a chance to share their opinions. Hence, He Said, She Said
was born. Should you have a topic that you would like us to
debate, email our editor at editor@sdwomanmagazine.com.
I can't wait to hear from you!

He Said... She Said...

Ok, we get it, this is your day. This is what you have I have to say Bob, you make some very valid points. As little girls we are taught
lived a lifetime for. Magic happens. You find the man that we will one day grow up to meet and marry our Prince Charming. So for the
of your dreams and he pops the question and you say majority of our young years many girls are on the lookout for this perfect man, the
yes and the Cinderella story begins. UGH! What hap- yin to our yang, the prince who will make us a princess. This is probably one of the
pens is the emasculated male sulks in the background greatest disservices that parents can do to their little girls, but the reality is that it
until you need him for some trivial task and then you is still done.
tuck him away again until THE day: This is perfor- In 2015, when two of our presidential candidates are female, we are still teaching
mance art and he needs to be invisible. C’mon gals, our little girls to aspire to be princesses, not presidents. So of course, for most
give us a break. women, this is ingrained in their psyche. So, regardless how liberated we are, when
that special man asks us to marry them, we find it hard not to turn into that giggly
Sure your mom and dad are footing the bill. Sure, little girl who has planned the dream wedding since the age of seven. We go into a
your mom and girlfriends create this perfect storm of sort of trance that starts when the last of those four little words “Will you marry
estrogen and shrieking and hands flailing and we sit me?” leave your lips until the last dance on the night at our wedding reception. It is
quietly so as not to upset you. If we do something you at that point that the real woman you have dated and fallen in love with comes back
deem inappropriate you begin to look like Linda Blair to you. Those months in between, are totally beyond our control.
with her head twirling and spewing stuff and shouting Should we be more willing to share the wedding preparations with you, our beloved
‘I will kill you’ and we just run for shelter. What did soon to be husband? We would of course, but let’s face it, you know you will screw it
32 we do? Who knows? up! Okay, maybe you don’t know it…we know it. In the same respect, we know if you
did screw it up, it wouldn’t be your fault, so we are actually saving you from yourself
Men don’t look at weddings the way you do. We are and from the wrath of the Bridezilla that we know we will become. Since every de-
simply looking to make our relationship more permanent tail of our wedding is of the utmost importance, oh did I say every detail? Because I
and start building towards the future. Kids. House. mean every-single-solitary-detail. And we know you will not see it that way because
Family. Toys for daddy. You want a fairytale. Reality you have no idea that there are actually 16.7 million different shades of red. So,
is suspended and you believe you will live happily ever my husband to be, when we tell you that we want your groomsmen to wear red bow-
after. Your picture of the world is mono vision and you ties of course we have to go with you to be sure you have the right color of red. To
don’t want us in the way until you get your birthright- most men…red is red…but not to your blushing bride-to-be. What do you think the
wedding day. Guess what, we are here too and we chances are that you will pick the right one? See my point? Why would you want to
have plans and ideas that you need to hear. Maybe subject yourself to that? Honestly, when we get flat tires, do you see us rolling up
we want to be asked to join in the planning stages? our sleeves and jacking up the car? No! We know that you are better at that then
Maybe, just maybe, there are two stars on that spe- we are so we are smart enough to just step out of the way and let you take care of
cial day. it. So….weddings…those are our things…so step out of the way and let us take care
of it.
Another thing. Nearly 50% of marriages fail. That Of course if you express interest in a certain part of the wedding we may con-
hasn’t changed in eons. Too often a woman will say yes sider letting you get involved, like the music, the food or perhaps the venue. You
just to have that special day. Their dream of the fai- are right. It is your wedding too and without you, there would be no wedding. So
rytale wedding and magic will cloud all reason. Parents grooms need to speak up and let their brides know if something is of extreme im-
or friends may mention the red flags and you can’t see portance to them. Most of the time us ladies are kind enough to share some of the
them. Won’t see them. And your marriage fails. The wedding preparations, just don’t try to get involved in Bridal gowns, color schemes, or
myopia of a woman with starry eyes and a wedding the outrageous themes we come up with. Those are hands off.
gown is rampant. I know, men are dogs, but it doesn’t
mean you have to marry them just because they ask. As for the women who simply say yes to a proposal because they want to have a
wedding. I totally agree. There are many women out there who simply want to have
I have watched too many men sit like wet puppies on a day totally dedicated to them: A day when they are the center of attention and
the sidelines and wonder what they have gotten into. they get to be princess for that day. If a woman is more excited at the thought of
I have heard the lament over and over (for so many the wedding than she is at the thought of the marriage, her fiancé should be leery
years) that the wedding process is too much yours and of going through with the wedding. You can’t just blame the woman. I think by the
too little ours. We don’t want to run things. We’re time a man has gotten close enough to a woman to ask her to be his wife, he should
smarter than that. But men today do want more of a know if she is really into being his wife, or just into being his bride!
role. Few men want huge weddings. But it all comes
down to you. We love you. We want to spend the rest Keep in mind that women still face enormous pressure to be married - once they
of our lives with you. We want you to be happy. But, reach a certain age. So it really isn’t totally their fault. After you have had Aunt
in the end, we want the same things; a wonderful day Jennie and Grandma Alice ask you “So when are you going to settle down and get
to seal the love and commitment, and bathe in the joy married,” for the four thousandth time, you just finally give in and figure it is easier
of seeing your face as we say ‘I do.’ We also want to just do it, than to be the only unmarried cousin in the crowd. Is it right? No,
to be loved and respected. And that respect should not by a long shot. But, unfortunately we have become a society that thinks of mar-
include the process of planning the wedding. riage as disposable. So when marriage is no longer viewed as ‘til death do us part,’
many individuals enter into it more easily, believing that if it doesn’t work they will
You are our princess. We are not the paupers. just walk away.