Page 33 - Digital Version For Web SDW Bridal 2015 (2)

The VieW from 33 years

By Robert Tussey
Weddings are mystical things: It’s the joining of two people who very I have stood best man more than once for a few of my friends and I
much want a life together full of happiness and kids and friends and tell them all the same thing – think with the big brain first. It goes for
adventures and a house with a picket fence. Your fairy tale comes true. all of us, men and women. Probably not politically correct to say that
Of course the reality is nothing like the dream. It is very hard work but everyone knows what it means and everyone knows it’s the truth.
and the struggle often ends (over half) in divorce. Sad, but true. The common denominator in our journey is that no matter what comes,
good, bad, or worse, we stick together. We find a way to make it work
Here’s the view from our 33 years of marriage. This is what it looks and we don’t give up.
like after this many years of struggle in careers, and friendships and –
life. Lori and I are stronger than ever. But there is a price on arriv- You have to know that it’s ok, even necessary, to have disagreements.
ing here and saying that. We have had arguments, big disagreements, They are building blocks and you get to use the tools of compromise
money problems, and a great many successes. It’s how we got to this and trust; this is what growth is all about in a marriage – turning adver-
point that shows the strength of not just our love for one another, but sity into advantage. But it takes practice, lots of it.
our friendship.
My favorite advice is never go to bed mad. Reread that again and again
Love and lust are the early drivers in relationships. But they are not until you get it. Solve the dispute. Make it right between you. Agree-
enough to sustain a long-term relationship; it takes so much more and ing to disagree only gets you through till morning when the bleary-eyed
you need to know this stuff before you get close to deciding on mar- coffee seeking self starts the rehash again and again and you avoid
riage. each other until you get home from work and it begins again. It isn’t
You must be healthy and you
friends. You need to fix this.
have to like
them. You have I think the biggest
to enjoy who asset in marriage
they are and is friendship. Lori
why they are and I are the best
that person. of friends. And
Don’t tear each friendships are so
other down – much stronger than
build and sup- love alone. How
port each other often do we forgive
with praise and our friends and not
support. our lovers? Build-
History: Explore ing a friendship is San Diego Woman
it and embrace slow and it will test
it. But remem- you both. But that
ber - what was friendship is the
done in the past sustenance that
IS in the past. keeps the love alive 33
and growing.
When Lori and An article in this
I first met and issue talks about
felt our attrac- a checklist to use
tion for one when in the process
another, we had of building a rela-
that crushing tionship towards
pressure in our marriage. This
chests that article should be
said we couldn’t printed and placed
wait to see each on every refrig-
other. There is erator in the world.
no other feeling And given to all
like it. She soon had to make a trip to Oregon for two weeks, and I young (and perhaps not so young) men and women starting on a journey
remember wishing the trip was done and her back in my arms. Never with another person. Read it and take heed. Perhaps this is the best
forget what that feels like. advice to start on that road to a long and successful marriage.

Communication is one of the building blocks of a strong relationship. And the journey is worth it. We know each other like no other
Without it, the coupling has no chance of survival. Love is another person(s) in our lives. But there is still discovery, a new thing we find
building block. Without it… But, there are so many more of these out about each other once in a while. It’s quite a thrill to be this far
aspects in the basic structure that must be present. Mutual respect. along and still be surprised by this person I have spent so much of my
Compromise – it brings more strength than it takes away. Having life with.
common goals and a plan to get there. Commitment.
Love each other, like each other, and keep your goals in front of you.
All of these (and more) are what it takes to get to 33 years and still And as my Grandmother said, “Your wife comes first now. Don’t forget
feel like it’s got more to give. You need time together and you need it.”
some alone time too: Very important stuff but often difficult to agree
on. Girls night out and boy’s night out and date nights and weekend
getaways are all necessities for success in this almost impossible thing
called marriage.