Page 34 - Digital Version For Web SDW Bridal 2015 (2)

ASK DR PENNY

(Dr. Penny Michelle Abrams)

KEY QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU SAY "I DO"

When you are dating the person of your dreams, everything *If children are desired, what are your philosophies about staying
about him or her may seem wonderful. In fact, few things can home with your infant or providing daycare for your child/children?
spoil your partner's good looks, education, sense of humor, What are your hopes and dreams for your children when it comes to
or promising career. But before you make your way down talents, abilities, education, behavior modification, or special needs?
the aisle, there are considerations to discuss with that very *How would you both negotiate career and family time?
special person. Ask yourself these questions and share them *If you and your partner are of different religious backgrounds
with your partner. (including no belief), would each attend the other's service in addition
to your own, or would you find a common denominator? Whose faith
Communication would be followed if and when you decide to have children?
*Can you discuss your personal strengths and weaknesses with one
another? Career, Friends, Activities
*Can you express your feelings and needs when you *Are your ambitions in sync with your careers? If one decides to
are hurting or feeling vulnerable, and do you feel heard? change a career or has to find another position, would you and your
*How do you disagree? Do you share your point of view or does one partner be supportive for retraining or going back to school or
leave the room? Are either of you more concerned in being right than relocation?
working on solutions together?
*Have you each worked through your prior relationships so as not to
34 have lingering hot spots that will set you off? Remember that unfulfilled expectations can set you up for

Romance & Sexual Intimacy disappointment, frustration, resentment and many sleepless
* What does it take to feel loved by your partner? Do you need nights. Instead, use your months of wedding planning to
presents, compliments, affection, chore sharing, or spending time touch on issues that you feel are fundamental to your rela-
together? What does your partner need to feel loved by you? tionship needs. Listen intently to one another and note which
*Do you share the same levels of sexual desire? If you points of discussion are hot buttons or sources of indiffer-
don't, how can you each be satisfied and not feel neglected? ence for you and your partner.
*Are you each willing to maintain a date night or date day, where the Of course, there are no right or wrong answers to the ques-
two of you can escape the focus on work, family, and friends and tions listed here. But the answers need to be discussed, so
spend time together? that the two of you can have realistic expectations about your
life together. A sexy, exciting marriage to your best friend,
Finances doesn't just happen. You both need to express and show
*Are you in sync with your philosophies regarding money? Are you a your love and respect for each other, daily.
saver and your partner, a spender? Does either one attempt to use
money as a control?
*Will money be kept separately or jointly or a combination of the two?
*Will you divide bill paying?
* Your bank account, your fixed monthly payment allocations, and Dr Penny Michelle Abrams is a clinical psychologist (Psy Lic 20753) in La Jolla
your financial saving and spending goals as individuals and as (UTC), providing individual and couple counseling as well as personal, profes-
sional and corporate coaching and high conflict mediation. (sixtyminutesofclar-
couple, should dictate your spending needs, whether it be for vaca- ity.com sixtyminutesofclarity@gmail.com)
tions, clothing, furniture, entertainment, gifts for family and friends, or
emergency family assistance.

Family, Children, Religion
*How do your relationships with your own parents and
siblings affect your relationship with your partner?
*How will holidays, including interfaith and
intercultural holidays, be celebrated and shared with
family members, especially, with blended families?