Page 44 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 with next section introductions-compressed

Denial through Wishful Thinking

There are those of us who even deny being in denial! We argue that we aren’t in denial we’re just very positive people who like to hope for the best in every
situation. We apply magical thinking, believing that somehow, as if by magic, everything will turn out fine. This sort of denial often displays other symptoms,
replacing confrontation with patience, compassion, concern, support and kindness. These are all admirable qualities to be sure, but when we use them as a form
of denial, compassion can turn into co-dependence, patience becomes stagnation, concern manifests itself as enabling and support snowballs into sacrificing.
We will do everything to avoid confrontation, pain and unpleasantness, without realising we are compromising our true happiness in the process.

Denial through hostility

Then there is the denial that is accompanied by hostility and anger. When confronted with the truth of our unhappiness, there are those of us that respond with
anger, furious with the truth of our situation, resisting it at all costs. We show hostility, belligerence and outrage. We even threaten to punish those who would
deliver the truth, as if our anger will scare the messenger off and make the truth go away.

Hostile denial blinds us to our truths that are trying so hard to reveal themselves to us. It keeps us blind to the true love, support and kindness of others, blind
to the truths that are hidden within our hearts. Hostile denial creates angry people who hide their vulnerability and inadequacy from others. These people
become angry at anyone that finds a way through to make them feel the pain of their vulnerability, which they have probably spent their whole lives mistakenly
protecting.

Absolute Denial

Finally there are those of us, perhaps through pride, arrogance or stubbornness, who despite all the evidence to the contrary, adamantly refuse to acknowledge
our truths. Let us assume it is the lesser, pride that is causing the problem.

Over a period of time, we may have built up a career, a family and a home that is the envy of the outside world. Hidden behind the mask of happiness we wear,
may be the truth of a failing relationship, a dysfunctional family or crumbling finances. We may have had failed relationships in the past and hoped that this
one was going to be different, but perhaps on closer examination, we had entered into, or remained in the relationship for the wrong reasons. We may have
then distracted ourselves from the underlying unhappiness of the relationship by replacing missing elements with overspending on material things, believing
they will restore our happiness. We may have overstretched our financial purse in pursuit of the latest gadgets or home improvements as a distraction from the
problems that exist within the relationship.

All forms of denial share one important factor in common. Somewhere, deep down inside of us, when we use denial as a strategy, we are hiding from the
truth of ourselves, that some part of us doesn’t feel worthy or approved of. There is an expression that says “nature abhors a vacuum”. We instinctively fill
what we perceive to be gaps in our lives, (which in many cases are misconceived through the filter of our out-dated or irrational beliefs), with material
acquisitions, time filling activity, unhealthy addictions, even having more children, rather than face painful truths that “the something missing” might be Page44