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Shinra Inc. And KupoCon
by Micah Rodney (Jason Tandro)
Author’s Note: Looking at the prompt choices, I really wanted to have the cast of my Shinra Inc. And series visit KupoCon. But I also felt it would be a good
opportunity to mercilessly mock myself. I hope you enjoy this piece, and the spirit of good humor in which it was intended!
At the best of times, a 6 hour car trip with “We all know who’s here. Why are you “I’m just getting warmed up,” Reno hissed,
Rufus Shinra behind the wheel would have announcing something we already know?” before taking to flask to his lips again.
been taxing. The choice of vehicle for the Reno asked. Reeve used the opportunity to return to the
excursion did not help matters at all. The Rude just handed Reno his flask. “Drink regularly scheduled fiction. “So, I say, Rufus
Shinra brand all terrain buggy had the up, it’s only going to get worse.” has enough tickets for the lot of us, right?”
hallmarks of disuse about it - including rust,
scattered trash and - most suspect of all - a “Incidentally, why didn’t Tseng come with “Well, no actually I-“
completely unopened granola bar sitting us?” Scarlet asked. “Let me guess,” Reno asked. “You did
expectantly in the glove box. Furthermore it Elena shrugged noncommittally, unwilling something selfish and foolish because your
lacked any sort of music hookup except an to admit that her bae was presently at home character is a one-trick pony.”
AM/FM Radio and the only local stations of this watching a My Little Coeurl marathon.
wasteland environment were a grainy Rufus ignored him and continued,
patchwork of country music and firebrand “Did this dude just use modern slang in a somewhat louder. “Well, no actually Reeve, I
preachers doom-mongering from their magic description sentence?” Reno said between bought myself one and assumed you all would
book of choice. hearty gulps. buy your own.”
“Why again can’t we simply take a chopper “My Little Coeurl isn’t even funny,” Rude Reeve waited a beat, as if waiting for a
up to Gold Saucer?” Reeve asked. grunted. laugh, before proceeding, though there was a
“Because we have to set the tone,” Rufus “You guys aren’t supposed to be seeing certain stiffness in his words. “But Rufus, you
said that this was going to be a company event
replied lazily. that,” Reeve reminded the two. and the company would pay for our tickets.”
“What was that?” Scarlet asked, leaning in “Look we agreed to do this thing mainly for “How will we get into the event now, after
from the middle row. an opportunity to showcase ourselves, and coming all this way?” Elena asked, playing her
what is this loser doing? The cheap and easy
“Er, because the choppers are all in route. What’s gonna happen? Gee, I wonder. part dutifully.
repair,” Rufus corrected. Is there gonna be a problem getting into the Reno groaned. “And now I bet we’re going
“This is going to get meta pretty quickly event and hijinks will ensue which we have to to cut to a different scene because he can’t
isn’t it?” Reno whispered conspiratorially to overcome, just like in every episode of this write scene transition worth di-“
Rude who simply shrugged. series he writes?” Reno asked.
“Hey, take a look at the MyFace page for “Well sometimes the resolutions are ~* Shinra Inc. And *~
the event,” Elena said, trying to ignore him. clever,” Elena offered.
The group stood outside the entrance to the
She had stumbled upon something of note “No they’re not, they’re just well-written. Gold Saucer as Rufus began to rattle off a
- an announcement that all the Slowga tickets Like the author assumes that a decent carefully (read: hastily) constructed lie. They
(that is to say ‘last minute’ or ‘door’ tickets) vocabulary is an excuse for anemic story all stood anxiously awaiting the results of this
were sold out. structure,” Reno said before blinking and farce, except for Reno who for reasons
adding. “See ‘anemic’. I guarantee you he
“That’s okay, no door tickets. But Rufus used thesaurus.com to find that word. ‘Weak’ unknown had chosen to stand guard by the
has all our tickets for us,” Reeve said. or ‘shoddy’ would have worked just fine there.” buggy at attention in the hot desert sun for ten
“Enough for him, you three Turks, Scarlet, and hours instead of participating in this super fun
myself.” “We’re getting off track people. Can we try event.
to actually tell a story?” Reeve asked.
