Page 11 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

Anger is a Secondary Emotion

Most times you feel something else before you feel angry.

Your anger is a secondary emotion, as many times you’ll default to anger to protect yourself from
feeling vulnerable from another emotion.

Your anger is a signal - a signal to do something for yourself and others.

As a natural and early-developmental emotion - very young children can feel “mad” - anger is
created by feeling another emotion first.

So, what lies beneath your anger? Depending on the situation, maybe what you’re feeling is
frustrated, disappointed, embarrassed, anxious, etc.

Once you “unpeel” your anger to find out what’s causing it, you can better understand what you
need in that emotional moment. You can find ways to cope with your true emotions without getting
angry.

You can develop coping strategies and a personal stress plan to handle your true feelings and
perhaps bypass the angry energy.

When it comes to situations when your child is making you angry, you can find healthier ways to
deal with your frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, anxiety or other primary emotion.

By acknowledging your core emotion and even sharing that with your child in an authentic way
even when feeling emotionally vulnerable, you’ll be able to understand and express your anger in
new healthy ways.

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