Page 12 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

Are you angry or just annoyed?

Anger and annoyance are on different ends of an emotional dysregulation continuum.

When you feel annoyed - like when something doesn’t go your way or if your child made some
minor mistake or misbehaves in the slightest way, you are able to get over it quickly.

When you feel angry there’s a much more intense impact to your brain and body from the
emotional dysregulation. Sometimes when you feel angry, your stress response system may be
activated. This will release anti-stress hormones into your brain and body to help you calm down.

This doesn’t happen to the same degree when you feel annoyed.

Cathleen, a mother I’ve worked with, told a story of picking up her son from lacrosse practice and
noticing him sitting and waiting for her with all of his practice equipment scattered at his feet.

She had had many discussions with her son about being responsible and having all of his
equipment in his bag before she came to pick him up.

She told me that as she drove up and saw his equipment scattered near him, she began to
become angry but soon realized it was just really an annoyance. He had been able to be
responsible enough to be ready to be picked up but not able to complete the task of having all his
stuff organized and in order.

Realizing this was more of an annoyance than something to become angry about, Cathleen
adjusted her response and was able to say something to her son to help him be more responsible
next time.

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