Page 39 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

Truths of Chronic Anger

According to research, here are some truths of chronic anger.

● Your frustration with the challenges of parenting may be causing ongoing chronic anger.

● Your chronic anger may exist as a result of excessive amounts of destructive anger in your
childhood.

● You may have a destructive cycle of anger which is self-perpetuating.

● Unhealthy expressions of anger may lead you to feel more pain, shame and helplessness
when parenting.

● Your chronic anger may be habitual. When a certain situation arises with your child you may
shift into an angry mode of communication, repeating a familiar pattern of angry expression.

● Your angry outbursts may provide a brief reduction in your stress in the heat of the moment
and may have a short but powerful reward.

● Your anger may be causing you toxic beliefs and making you feel resentful.

Perspectives Your Anger Can Take

Looking at your anger is a dynamic and complex journey. It benefits you to look at your anger
from many perspectives.

Your anger can be directed at different things. Your anger may be directed at yourself, a family
member, your child, your pet, a co-worker, your child’s teacher or sports coach, a system or
process, or even inanimate objects like your computer, phone, car, broken zipper, or clogged
pipe.

When considering your anger, it’s helpful to understand if your anger is chronic or situational.

There’s a significant difference if you have ongoing anger issues or just find yourself angry in a
particular situation with your child.

Some stages of children’s development involve strong feelings of anger or frustration that may be
natural and even biological, as well as when children are having challenges during stages of
development. The less mature a child is, the greater the likelihood that they would experience
more episodes of frustration and be incapable of getting their frustration under control.

How hot is your anger? When you get angry with your child, to what degree does the emotion
take over your clear-thinking and most effective response.

How is your anger affecting your thoughts, your feelings, and behaviors?

Picture an anger thermometer. You can use this image to assess how angry you may be in a
given situation and how that impacts how you should respond.

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