Page 57 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

If your kids sense that you are becoming emotionally out of control, it will cause them to
emotionally react and behave in more confusing and perhaps antagonizing ways.

As a healthy anger tool, you can stay calm and be clear in your response by using assertive
communication to express your anger.
During the pandemic lockdown, David was forced to work from home. That created many
challenges as David’s four-year-old son Jeremy was very attached to him and was constantly
seeking attention while David was home working.

Jeremy likes to sit on his dad’s lap while he’s working at his computer. Some days Jeremy stays
well behaved and gets bored quickly then leaves to do something else. Other days, though,
Jeremy seeks more attention and it begins to cause David to get angry.
One morning Jeremy began kicking David’s papers trying to make a mess of the area as he was
seeking attention. Previously at times like this David would scoop up his son, put him in another
room and call for his wife to provide distraction and interference as David mumbled and grumbled
back to his makeshift home office.

But on this day, David paused and decided to try something different. He wanted to be angry in a
different way toward his son. He needed to express his anger and hold Jeremy accountable, but
also wanted to connect with his son on a deeper, more trusting level.

By pausing before reacting, David was able to maintain clear-thinking in the moment.

David thought how he could respond differently and how he could help Jeremy understand and
provide a healthier way to express his anger.

So, instead of yelling and scooping him up and removing him from the area, David said assertively,
“You may not kick my papers. You can choose to stay here and color while I work, or you can get
down and do something else by yourself.”

To David’s amazement, this changed Jeremy’s reaction. Because David was able to stay calm
and clear, Jeremy reacted by taking out his coloring book and stayed quietly with his father for
more than half an hour. David and Jeremy then took a snack break together.

The next time you find yourself in the heat of an angry moment with your kids, try to pause. It will
give you a short moment to consider a healthier way to express your anger in a calm and clear
way and be able to teach your kids better behavior while staying in control.

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