Page 56 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

Take a Parent Time-out Break

When you feel yourself start to get angry with your kids you may start to feel that you’re becoming
emotionally out of control. Perhaps in the past you had said something or did something that you
later regretted or realized was less than healthy for your kids.

Maybe you find yourself in the middle of an angry moment with your child and you realize that
you’ve gone a bit too far without being able to catch your emotions.

You may need to step away for a few moments and take a parent time-out.

As a much better alternative than yelling, dismissing, or even perhaps shaming your children when
you become angry, it’s okay to take a break.

Instead of saying, you’re so selfish and mommy doesn’t want to deal with you right now, you could
calmly tell your child, I need a few moments I’ll be right back.

By letting your child know that you will be right back, you’re staying connected and you are simply
taking a break to calm yourself so that you’ll have a better response to the challenging behaviors.

Younger kids may need more explanation. Older kids can begin to understand that you’re trying
to calm down.

Gina was normally patient when dealing with her two-year-old son Miguel. On certain days McGill
would begin a pattern of behaviors that would cause Gina to feel agitated and angry.

On one rainy day after they had been stuck in the house for hours, Gina sensed that her anger
was getting the best of her. She began being short and curt with her responses to Miguel. She
felt like she didn’t want to pick him up and hold him to console him like she normally would.

Rather than let the negative emotion continue to build and suspect that it may cause her to react
in a less healthy way, Gina decided she needed a break.

So, she said to Miguel in a firm voice, “Mommy needs to take a break. You sit here on the couch
and read a book for a few minutes and mommy’s going to sit in the chair over here and read her
book, too.”
Miguel crawled up onto the couch and started looking through his two favorite picture books that
Gina had put out for him. Gina opened her book but decided to close her eyes and just breathe.

After almost ten minutes had passed, Miguel said to his mom, “How about we cuddle now?” Much
more relaxed, Gina was ready to hold her son.
As a parent, it’s okay to want to take a break. It’s not dismissive, neglectful or unhealthy, since it's
your intentional strategy to become calm if you're feeling emotionally out of control.

Your children will pick up on your emotions before they will register your words. By staying calm
and being clear with your response when you get angry, you will be able to encourage more
appropriate and more respectful behavior from your kids.

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