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What if I told you that I’m the dad in this “Perfect!” I coupled my praise with an The price of this need to control kids’
piece? And what if I told you the girl is opportunity — she could take over experience evokes a tweet by Dr. Mary
my 12-year-old daughter, Naomi? Yep, watering, so I could exercise before Howard: “Without ownership, school
I’m the perfectionist who actually sug- work, or steal some time to write. I’d will always be a process of compliance
gested taking notes on watering plants. even consider an allowance. rather than joyful engagement sparked
My thoroughness is not a source of “Hmmm… no thanks.” by curiosity…” In the perfect world of
pride, though. Its toll on my kids at our backyard classroom, Naomi did
home, and in the school where I serve I couldn’t believe she turned me down. I what I told her. She discerned that big
as principal, concerns me. thought about it all day. Was 10 dollars a decisions are my job to make. Focused
In a piece from Cult of Pedagogy, week not enough? Was it uncool to help on all the little details he could never
out with such a chore? Wasn’t I being a
Jennifer Gonzalez captures an irony good parent by providing my child with remember to forget, her teacher cre-
about perfectionism that connects with independence? It wasn’t until journal- ated a learning culture that failed to let
me as an educator and as a father of ing about this experience more than a students lead.
two, young children: “You being perfect month after its occurrence that it hit me: As a parent, teacher, and building
makes other people hate you a little Naomi had no shot at independence. leader, I endlessly tend to our plot. What
and themselves a lot. Or maybe it’s the The task was never hers to own. Even if my kids could share in that process,
reverse. Anyway, achieving something when I wasn’t there, she sensed my too? We could test the soil at home and
close to perfection is pretty damaging intrusive presence, like a shark looming school for nutrients producing enrich-
in a lot of ways.” near in her adolescent mind. ment. We could raise levels of inquiry
I don’t want my kids to hate me or Sometimes, school feels the same, and inspiration. The children could water
to loathe themselves. I don’t want where experience has taught me that the seeds we plant in a patch that culti-
to damage anyone. Yet, clearly my teachers can be apex perfectionists. vates risk. Together, we could chart the
behavior affected Naomi. Alive in the scripts and structures of growth of mistakes that makes discov-
ery possible.
Proof? Returning home from that trip, detail-driven DNA, our fear of letting go
I eagerly entered our backyard. Save easily spreads. Rows, perfect. Pests,
a semi-dehydrated daisy or two, the eliminated. Adjectives harvested into
flowers were fine. “How did everything bushels of three for every paragraph
go?” I inquired. in a narrative. The gardeners pull out
“Um… OK… I tried to do what you said.” anything resembling a weed.

References

Gonzalez, Jennifer. Open Your Door: Why We Need to See Each Other Teach. Cult of Pedagogy, 13 Oct. 2013,
www.cultofpedagogy.com/open-your-door/.
@DrMaryHoward. “& w/o ownership school will always be a process of compliance rather than joyful engagement sparked
by curiosity choice & voice.” Twitter, 20 Aug. 2017, 7:12 a.m., https://twitter.com/search?q=%23G2great&src=hash.

About the Author

Erik W. Roth is the principal of Edward H. Bryan Elementary School in Cresskill, NJ. He lives in Oradell, NJ,
with his daughter, Naomi, 12, son, Harrison, nine, and guinea pig, Edward, six months. Mr. Roth celebrates
the message of his article with the memory of his late wife, Jenny.

Educational Viewpoints -5- Spring 2018