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criticizing others a lot of the time instead of speaking Some ideas on how to better manage
do I have a problem?
Anger tends to get a bad rap. It is often viewed as a 'bad'
emotion and most people tend to try and avoid feeling
angry by ignoring, suppressing or downplaying it. Of
course, there are also those individuals who make no
effort whatsoever to temper their anger and who behave
aggressively with little awareness of, or concern for, how
this anger might be impacting others. Think of road rage
with one driver becoming exceedingly angry with another
driver and engaging in risky, sometimes even dangerous
behaviour in order to express that rage. Think of the
senior manager who shouts insults at his staff when he is
not happy with their work performance. And the husband
who acts aggressively towards his wife speaking to her in
a raised voice with a harsh and insulting tone. And the
father who prefers his children to be seen and not heard
and who is mean to them when they don't comply.
Unfortunately, anger is a feeling that is often
mismanaged and misunderstood. The truth is that anger
is a completely normal human emotion. We all
experience it at times and the way that we experience it
can range from minor irritation and annoyance to fully-
fledged rage. There are times when anger is a necessary
and adaptive response to a threat and which allows us to
fight and defend ourselves when under attack. In these
instances, a certain amount of anger is necessary for
survival.
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to them with respect?
your anger
• Are you aware that your family members, colleagues
and friends are particularly cautious when around Managing anger doesn't mean trying to never get angry.
you? Are they walking on proverbial eggshells That's simply not possible. Anger management is about
because they are frightened of your angry response recognizing and acknowledging your anger and then
to their behaviour? Do you want your partner and expressing it in a way that doesn't harm or destroy your
children to fear you? relationships, yourself or your environment. This could
include the following:
• Perhaps negotiation and compromise are difficult for
you and instead of coming to a point of mutual • Become aware of what triggers your anger and then
agreement your hostile, unpredictable response do whatever you can to avoid the triggers or at least
makes it impossible for others to work with you. minimise their effect. So, if sitting in traffic triggers
Anger – • Maybe you are suppressing your anger by ignoring driving off-peak. If alcohol consumption causes you
your anger then change your routine to allow for
to become particularly aggressive, angry, even
people or refusing to interact with them and this is
violent, drink less or stop drinking. Managing your
causing you to feel isolated, cynical and bitter.
triggers can help you avoid getting to that point where
Perhaps your frustration levels have even led you to
Become aware of and recognize the physical warning
Your anger response may even have led to you being
• consider harming yourself. • you 'lose it'.
Regardless of the means you use to express your anger, causes you to see 'red', clench your fists, feel a
signs of anger. If, for example, your anger response
faced with legal action, or worse, being arrested.
tightening around your head and your pulse to race
if you are aware that it is having a destructive impact on then you need to recognize these signs as a warning.
yourself, on your relationships with those close to you, on Take action early to avoid your anger reaching the
your ability to work and cooperate with others, then it is point of no return. Take a break, distract yourself, go
worth taking steps to make some changes. for a walk/run –do something that allows the anger to
dissipate instead of exploding.
by Bronwen Oberholzer
Registered psychologist
in private practice
Instinctively, as human beings, we tend to respond to
feelings of anger by being aggressive. When the
aggression gets out of control it has the potential to be
destructive and create endless problems for both the
person experiencing the anger as well as the
person/people at which the anger is targeted.
What are some indications that my
anger might be problematic?
• Impulsive responses to anger can be problematic. If
you respond to anger without thinking first, you can
end up acting in ways that you regret later. For
example, hitting 'send' on an angry, unedited email to
your boss. Or lashing out at your child when he spills
his juice on the floor by accident.
• Perhaps your anger has caused you to become
physically violent or threatening. For example,
physically threatening a colleague who showed you
up in a meeting. Or perhaps you have punched your
fist through a door or a window in a fit of rage.
• Maybe you find yourself being verbally abusive
towards other people, including those close to you.
Do you catch yourself swearing, shouting and
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