Page 29 - Mancave Sept 2021.cdr

• Often the wisest thing to do in the face of your anger • Take responsibility for your anger. It is the easiest
is to walk away from what is making you angry. Walk thing in the world to blame somebody else for your
away, breathe, calm yourself and then re-engage anger – 'she made me do it', 'if he hadn't done that I
once you have gained composure. Walking away is wouldn't have lashed out'. But blaming doesn't
not the same as ignoring. It is important that you tell change anything. Own your anger and take
the other party that you are going to step away responsibility for how you express it. Be careful of
because you are not able to resolve things giving power to others by allowing them to determine
productively right now but that you will return once how you respond.
you have calmed yourself.
• If you know that your anger has hurt people,
• Become familiar with breathing and relaxation apologise, make amends and do better.
techniques that help calm you and then use them
whenever necessary. Repeated deep and rhythmic • Remember that assertiveness is healthier than
breathing tends to have a calming effect and can be aggression. Aggression may well intimidate others
used discreetly and anywhere. into complying, but bullying is not an effective anger
management technique. Assertiveness allows you to
• Positive, calming self-talk can be very effective in express your opinion knowing that it may well differ
tempering the anger response. Under your breath tell from the opinion of others, but it allows for a spirit of
yourself to 'calm down', 'relax', 'walk away', 'take it negotiation and resolution and respect.
easy'. This helps put you in control.
• Learn the art of listening. Not everything demands a
• Be honest with yourself about how effectively (or not) response.
you are communicating. Be honest with yourself
about whether you are being reasonable. Try and put • If you have a history of violent, angry outbursts and
yourself in the shoes of the other person and see broken, difficult relationships and if you really feel as
how they might be experiencing your response. If you though, despite numerous attempts, you haven't
recognise that you are intimidating them, change the been able to control your anger, seek professional
way you are delivering your message. help.

• Remember that we can't choose how we feel but we You don't have to allow your anger to get in the way of
can choose how we respond to the feeling. Whether living a full life and having healthy, safe relationships.
you walk away from the person irritating you or Anger is just a feeling, be careful of giving it too much
whether you punch him is within your control. Be power over you.
honest with yourself about who is in control - you or
your anger.

26 27