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My Friend Tova:

A Ma'ayanot Student's Story

by Gaby Gotesman

If I told you that my friend if my friendship was some sort of charity. The fact that Tova and I
FaceTimes me when she’s became such close friends taught me that a true friendship, one in
bored and fills me in on her which both sides genuinely care about one another, was possible
day, you might think she’s regardless of differing abilities.
like any other phone-loving
teenager. If I said she has super This new perspective empowered me to spread the message of
inclusivity to others in my school. I was not the only one who had
trendy glasses and bangs I
wish I could pull off, you might unintentionally excluded certain people from entering the “friend”
category simply because they were different, whether they had
wonder if she’s interested in
fashion. If I explained that we different needs, were from a different background, or were just in a
different grade. I, along with a group of similarly motivated students,
see each other every week,
and love hanging out, you created the Monthly Inclusion Initiative, “Mii for We.” It was a program
that provided an opportunity for students to reconsider the
might ask if we go to school
together. unconscious choices we make about the people we seek out as
friends. Each month, we created a new challenge that encouraged
But from what I told you, I stepping out of your social comfort zone, for example “strike up a
don’t think you would guess conversation with the person whose locker is next to yours, even if
that my friend has Down's you don’t know them.”
Tova and Gaby Syndrome.

I met Tova when I was a ninth grader at Ma’ayanot High School; she
was at SINAI at Ma’ayanot. One of the amazing things about SINAI is
that although the students take different classes from the Ma’ayanot
students, we all mix together in the halls, at programs and chagigot,
and at social activities. SINAI runs a program called Lunch Buddies,
and if you opt to participate, you are paired with a SINAI student to
eat lunch with once a week. That first year, Tova had been matched
with a friend of mine, but when I was a sophomore, I decided to sign
up for Lunch Buddies as well.

The genuine friendship Tova and I built during Lunch Buddies was
never something I anticipated at the start of the program. Truthfully,
I wasn't sure what we could do to fill that forty-one minute lunch
period every single week. After exhausting all conversation starters
that began with “so what's your favorite kind of…,” there was just not
that much left to talk about. Regardless, we ate lunch together each
Wednesday, and to my surprise, I was soon invested in her hobbies,
her family, and her friends. Before I knew it, we were texting each
other often and spending time together beyond Lunch Buddies.
The author with Tova and another Ma'ayanot friend, Adina Sklar, at a 5k
My experience with Lunch
Buddies is something I am so So if I told you my friend invites me out for dinner and texts me about
grateful for; it not only gave her favorite movies, you might not guess she has Down's Syndrome.
me one of my closest friends, And if I said she speaks with a severe lisp and has cognitive difficulties,
but it also helped me realize you probably wouldn't think she’s one of my closest friends. But
the errors in my understanding she does have Down's Syndrome, and not only is she one of my best
of friendships with those who friends, she is also the person who challenged my conventional
have disabilities. Before that understanding of relationships and the assumptions we make about
year, I had not seen my peers others upon meeting them.
with special needs as people Ultimately, I think we all know ability, age, or background are not
with whom I could become reasons a genuine friendship cannot exist between two people.
true friends. It seemed the Sometimes, though, it takes a really good friend to remind you of
only relationship a mainstream that.
student like myself could have
with someone who had a
disability was one where I Gaby Gotesman is a senior at Ma’ayanot Yeshiva High School for Girls. She loves
would be on the giving end, as A friendship that started in school being involved with SINAI and enjoys spending time with her friends, especially Tova.